Archive for December 2012

Taking down Christmas decorations early

Taking down Christmas decorations early
Every year, I ask myself when I’m going to take the Christmas decorations down. This year, the answer was pretty easy, and I took down all of them today. Except for the lights on our apartment balcony, that is–it’s still too dark out too early, and the lights help. You see, I’m headed off for... Read more »

It's Christmas Eve and I still can't get into the holiday spirit

It's Christmas Eve and I still can't get into the holiday spirit
Just call me an old curmudgeon, but Christmas feels like just another day. I’ve had fleeting moments of awe and joy, where my heart feels warm and my body light…until mortal life pulls it back down and I continue plodding along. The most likely reason is bittersweet memories. Holidays are fraught with triggers for old... Read more »

Keeping the Mass in Christmas

Keeping the Mass in Christmas
A friend shared an image from the “Catholics Come Home” campaign that told people to keep the Mass in Christmas. It’s a nice play on the overused “Keep Christ in Christmas” rallying cry. For Christmas, go to Mass. Talk about an old tradition, as it’s something generations upon generations have done. (PS, the above image... Read more »
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How to lose weight and not feel (too) deprived

I will admit it. I don’t know how to lose weight without feeling too deprived. Yet. It’s my goal, though. I love my cookies. And eggnog. And puppy chow. To cut out sweets entirely only leads me to binging on them–I’ve learned that the hard way in the past with dieting. Plus, dieting makes me... Read more »

Where are the words to describe the murders?

Where are the words to describe the murders?
I realize I’m one of a gazillion bloggers writing about the school shooting at Newtown, Connecticut, and my words aren’t anywhere near as eloquent as others. In fact, it’s extremely hard to come up with words, any words, to describe the murders. Someone mentioned earlier today about simply sharing someone else’s eloquent words instead of... Read more »

UN Rights of Persons with Disabilities: Homeschool scare tactics

UN Rights of Persons with Disabilities: Homeschool scare tactics
The United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities was voted down in Senate. While I was deep in the final throes of my master’s degree, I somehow missed that the Senate was going to be voting on this treaty. Then I heard that it was voted down. Why would anyone vote down... Read more »
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Keyword Search Roundup

Keyword Search Roundup
After reading Jenna’s post about pedophiles searching for and landing on her blog, and even justifying their lusting after children! (CHILDREN. What sick f**ks.), I decided to see what search terms led people to my blog. The Duggars. People searching about the Duggars, Bill Gothard and his creepy ATI cult, blanket training and associated child... Read more »

Sometimes abusive families are like cults

 It hurts to see hatred coming from the faces of those you love, to hear the silence when you try to talk to them.

He was the master of emotional manipulation. When he raged, when his face turned red and then deeper into purple, when his bottom jaw jutted out showing his bottom teeth, when his voice took on a ragged edge, and when he raged for upwards of an hour, when he jabbed you in the chest or grabbed you by your arm, when he spanked you with the fullest force he can muster, when he called you ungrateful, spoiled, not good enough, not perfect enough.... Fear still courses through me when I think of it.And then the times when he ignored you. I both relished and loathed it when he ignored me. On one hand, it was nice not to be yelled at. On the other hand, when was the other shoe going to drop?

At least now, the "radio silence" is mostly mutual. They kept guilt-tripping me or trying to convince me to bend to dad's will. I set pointed it out, set boundaries to protect myself, and let them know I didn't appreciate it. They kept trying to cross it, until finally they said I was placing too many rules on their  communications with me and wouldn't email me again unless I emailed them. Fine by me.
Sometimes abusive families are cult-like, and leaving the toxic people behind for once and for all feels like you’re leaving a cult. It hurts. My therapist gave me a copy of Jan Grovenveld‘s “It Hurts” about leaving a cult, when I talked, for the umpteenth time, about missing my siblings and my dog, Bailey. It... Read more »

A Very Farty Christmas

A Very Farty Christmas
Church pews can be hazardous to your health, particularly if they have cushions. Me? I actually prefer hard pews because then I know it’s clean. I can always sit on my coat or jacket if I need some padding. Or else I can offer it up. Or kneel. But this was a Presbyterian church, and... Read more »
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