I'm trying to psych myself up for the semester. E-port and one class is already up. Waiting on the other one. And I'm still having a hard time NOT feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of schoolwork. What's up with this? I've had comparable workloads before, with working, taking overload credits, doing honors classes, volunteering, still managing to try to keep dad happy, etc. I've been more stressed before. So why am I suddenly a wimp?
I've been trying to spend my morning commute and lunch break time for brainstorming on the ePortfolio, but I have an incredibly hard time staying awake. My afternoon commute consists of me feeling exhausted, hungry but not sleepy, so I just read the BBC. When I get home, I'm ready for food and bedtime. Where's that time for the ePortfolio? Let alone the other two classes...all of which I need in order to graduate in December? For that matter, what happened to my energy? Not that I had it (energy) all summer, but you see, all summer I had no real obligations, so it wasn't a problem. It is now.
I'm just feeling overwhelmed and afraid. I also feel bad for feeling overwhelmed and afraid. It's a good thing I'm still in counseling because it just might be able to keep me sane enough to a) finish school and b) not slip into the darkness as the days get shorter.
And it's so sad because I keep feeling like crying when I get home. Or on the bus to work. Or during lunch. Anytime I have to think about being productive, I feel like I'm about to burst into tears, but I never do because I know I have no reason to. I need to pull my brain together. For that matter, I need to take books to the library during the "once in a blue moon fine amnesty." I have a couple of small fines, and some more books due in 4 days....but I don't freaking have the energy.
I know Yoda always says, "do, or do not. There is no try." However, I can't seem to get from "try" to "do." I'm trying. But I'm just overwhelmed. It would be nice to just take a few weeks off from work to get shit done, but that's not an option.
I'll go take a nap. Maybe that'll help. I hope.
Filed under: misc.