Remember how I was talking about wanting to run in the Chicago Marathon for kicks?
Well....that kind of sort of...didn't pan out.
Yes, I know the marathon is off in October, 9 months from now, so I theoretically have time to train. "Theoretical" is the key word, because I actually do not have time to train. I was doing okay for a while, but then I got sick--and sick again. Just mild colds, really. I know seasoned runners can fight through them.
I'm a wimp. It was the first time I'd had a proper cold for a couple of years. I used to get sick a lot, but thanks to reduced levels of stress after I moved out of my parents' house, away from the dysfunction and psychological abuse, I rarely got sick. So, when I found that I couldn't breathe and walking made my muscles ache, I sure the heck wasn't going to push myself to possibly barfing levels by running. So I took a couple of weeks off there.
Then it was Christmas and New Years. Then my husband and I went on vacation for a few days. Then school started. I simply hadn't gotten back to running.
That was a large part of why I was absent from this blog for a long time (I had taken a break because school got hectic there for a while, too). I was too ashamed to write about my failures. All this talk, for it to fail? No, that is not proper blog material. How can I talk about failing even at my blogging goals of writing regularly? Surely people would shame me for not writing. Surely it's better to slink away into nothingness than to try writing again. I would feel like the prodigal daughter if I came back.
Except the story didn't go that way.
We associate prodigal with the idea of shame, because after all, it was extremely shameful of the son to go off and spend all his money on hookers and blow, and then to end up in society's gutter. That's not the moral of the story though. Rather, we need to associate the word prodigal with the idea of trying again. The son decided to try to again at being an upstanding man, and came back. I'm going to try again at blogging.
Running? I'm not sure about regular, actual exercise running at this point. I'm already running as it is with school. Sure, I'm taking only two grad classes at a time while I work full time at a library, but I try to have a social life (*cough*onFacebook*cough*). I try to help my friends out. Long distance talk therapy, via email or Facebook messages. I'm trying to get involved in church again.
I'm trying to write more, to read more, to take time off for myself so I don't crash and burn from too much work. I'm also going to try to volunteer at a small library or two, to gain some skills I can use to try to get a true librarian-type job, instead of being stuck in a supportive role the rest of my career. My boss said so himself--he wants me to move up, to use my MLIS, (which I will receive in December.)
I feel bad, because all this means I won't be running regularly. Perhaps a Saturday warrior sometime, but not the 3 times a week I was doing before. I feel bad because I had finally gotten all the proper running equipment I needed. My husband and I managed to get money together for those nice expensive shoes, wonderful shoes. My mother in law sent along a Nike gift card that she earned with I think it was Coke points, so I could buy decent running socks. And I'm not using the heck out of them. It feels sort of like a failure.
But just because I'm not using it now doesn't mean I can't ever run again in the future. After I finish my school "running" and get my degree, I'm going to need to find ways to fill in all that extra time. That will be a better time to begin a running regime, I think.
That was the other thing that held me back from writing. If I don't run, what else could I write about? I already named this blog, "Running With a Book Cart." I can't really write about anything else, can I?
Or maybe I can. Running can be any number of things. I already compared homework to running. It's a mental exertion. Working and volunteering will keep me running to the bus. The "Book Cart" part of my blog lets me write as a librarian. Not as a career, mind you. As a vocation. I'm a librarian, so I can talk about me. And library stuff. And abuse. And volunteering. And cats and cataloging. And school. Just life in general, I suppose.
Will I be interesting enough to follow? I'm not sure. I'm not getting much traffic on my personal blog, so I doubt I will get much here. I may fall again, and forget to write for a while.
But I, the prodigal writer, will keep on trying.
To thank you for reading my post, I inserted a picture above of one of my cats helping me with my cataloging homework. Get it? Cat-aloging? (Oh, that's a lame library joke? Oops...)
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