There's several lists already written by flight attendants about annoying things passengers do. But surprisingly, my fellow crew members can sometimes be worse than the passengers.
In flight attendant world, the name of the game to keeping a flight running smoothly is teamwork. And dear readers, worse than an obnoxious passenger is a lazy or just plain crazy co-worker who loves to do their own thing. Like passengers, while most flight attendants are cool to fly with and sometimes even fun, there's quite a few who aren't. These are the flight attendants that will make you want to grab a beer and blow an airplane slide.
It was a little bit too easy to come up with the list of ways flight attendants irritate the hell out of
me their fellow crew members. Only a couple of them are made up off the top of my head, the rest have actually happened.
Therefore, if you ever find yourself working as a flight attendant and you really want to wreak havoc by annoying your co-workers, there are many things you can do and not do. These actions may not get fired immediately (maybe eventually), but it will for sure earn you a reputation as that flight attendant no one likes to work with. If you're seeking to be in this despised group or you just DGAF, here are ten things you can do consistently:
- Never, ever collect trash from passengers. Fifty percent of the flight attendants job is to collect trash during the flight. If you like your co-workers, you'll help out. If you don't like your co-workers you'll opt-out of picking up trash and do as little as possible in between services.
- Go slow on the bar cart when serving drinks. Chat it up with every single passenger--especially if it's a packed flight with 150 plus people onboard. Ask them how they're feeling, if they have a connecting flight and the reason that they're traveling while your co-worker takes orders and serves. If you're at the bottom of the bar cart and responsible for pulling back the cart, pull back as little as possible, maybe only a row and a half so you can finish your conversations and your fellow crew member will have to ask you frequently to push back so they can serve others.
- Constantly "forget" to latch galley carts. If you're working in the front galley, never check your latches on your carts so another flight attendant who cross checks you has to secure everything before take off and landing. If you're working in the back galley, don't do it because flight attendants jump seats are in front of the carts and you could seriously injure someone if a cart comes flying out of its place and into their face. In the front galley, carts will just fly into other carts, make a lot of noise as they crash onto the floow and possibly break a few pieces of dishware. A drawer of canned sodas may also fall and burst onto the galley floor.
- If you're not working in the galley, leave any and everything on the counter, including your personal belongs. Go ahead, never throw away trash a customer gives you, place it on the counter instead. Leave your personal belongings such as your book, magazines, purse, food containers all over the place and then walk away. Never say sorry when someone elese has to move your stuff out of the way, only say thanks like it's expected.
- Never stow your luggage in your assigned space. If you're traveling with the same crew for several days, always put your luggage in someone else's assigned spot since it's more convenient for you. If they ask you to move it, pretend you're really busy so they will either have lift your luggage and move it themselves or find another place for their bags.
- Spend as much time as possible in the lavatory, especially in the middle of a meal or beverage service. Fix your hair, fix your make up, take selfies. Use the little sink and splash water everywhere. Avoid using the first class bathroom if there's only one or you'll also piss off waiting passengers.
- Never pick up the intercom phone when a crew member is attempting call you. Be so busy or engrossed in a book and pretend that you don't hear the chime or notice the illuminated light above your head. Their only choice will be to walk all the way to the front or the back of the plane to communicate with you.
- Elaborating on the previous point, try not to communicate with your crew on layovers either. When returning to the airport from a layover, Instead of taking the scheduled crew shuttle from the hotel to the airport, take an earlier shuttle or Uber and don't tell your crew. In an effort to be courteous, the crew will have the van wait for a few more minutes beyond the scheduled time while someone tries to call up to your room to see if you're on your way down. Eventually, they will leave for the airport and wonder where you are. They will find you're already on the plane playing Candy Crush on your phone while you wait for them.
- Sit on the jumpseat and read the entire flight. Roll your eyes and mutter under your breath if your fellow crew members need you to move so they can get to their luggage that is usually behind or near the jumpseat you're sitting on.
- If you're on antidepressants or anything to manage your psychotic mood swings, skip a dose here and their during a multi-day trip. Fortunately, she took them mid-flight as soon as she remembered. It didn't help.
Coming Soon: Why Smart Pilots Try Not Piss Off Their Flight Attendants ...And What Happens When The Dumb Ones Do.
Like reading my blog posts? Click here to subscribe!
Filed under: Uncategorized