I sit here as a bitter bastard.
That's totally how I feel right now. I feel like I made it through the War of 2017...
Sidenote: Henceforth, this is how we will refer to the presidential election period of 2017, including the aftermath and fallout of the the election. Much like the Civil War, we have had major battles (The Gorsich Confirmation and Charlottesville). Inevitably, the War of 2017 has spilled over into 2018, and eventually we will simply refer to this period of time as the "Trump Years", in the same way fat cat Republicans refer to the period of time Reagan was president; "The Reagan Years"...ah, the Gipper...
...and I've come out the other end; scarred and battle hardened. No longer seeing a bright blue world full of possibility and wonder, but a battlefield, full of ghosts, terror, and landmines.
As I referenced this time last year, I don't think of plans for the new year so much as resolutions, I prefer to think of them as evolutions. Growths of my personality and life that I would like to see. The building of a better me if you will.
This year, I really feel like going off the reservation.
I feel like I wanna be meaner. I feel bitter. I feel like I want to breathe smoke and scorch green earth.
I've found over the past few weeks I find less joy in people. Thus far, I'm pretty ok with this. I have my interactions through work and jiu jitsu, beyond that, I don't feel a need to go above and beyond to spend time with a lot of people. There are a handful of people that I would love to see constantly...every day...perhaps every minute. In some cases, I'm not even sure said people give two crooked shits about me...so, for now, I'm finding a lot more joy, and solace, in my own company...which, a few months ago, I simply was dreading.
I feel like in Trump's America, trust is at a minimum.
In 2018, the only real evolution I want to focus on, continue focusing on, is focusing on me. I really feel like I want this year to be way more about me. Focusing on my health, my wellness, my desires, my goals.
I don't think I've been a person who focuses solely on myself a lot. I could be wrong. I do know that I will make it more of the Dion show in 2018.
Beyond that, I don't have any other real evolutions I hope to achieve. I want to continue grinding in jiu jitsu, I want to continue grinding towards improving myself, physically, mentally and emotionally...
Beyond that, I suppose I would like to be more honest. That's something I work hard on constantly.
I'd also like to live less in fear. I carry a lot of fear. I've found that meditating has helped to alleviate a lot of the worry I carry. I suppose I should meditate more. I'm also hoping to incorporate yoga into my life.
So what about you? What are your resolutions for 2018? Goals? Plans?
I find it hard to visualize where I'll be next week, let alone weeks or months away.
I'm just trying to keep my head above water in 2018.
And if I drown, I'm grabbing belts and pants legs on the way down.
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