Stories from Datingville

Stories from Datingville

So, at the beginning of the summer, as I will do periodically, I reconfirmed my faith in humankind and told myself that I would date more, because dating will certainly shake your faith in humankind.

And so I'm still at it.  While I have not yet made a love connection, I have gathered a plethora of stories, of course, some of which I shall share here.  One of which I'll share now.

Now, I'm not sure what the popular paradigm is on this topic nowadays, but I firmly believe that male and female minds work differently.  We just approach things in different ways, evaluate things differently, etc.  I suppose this is the ideology popularized by the notion "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".

So the other night, I'm texting with one of the ladies I have gone on a date with.  We've actually gone on two.  Well, she asks me if I'm in the mood for a funny story?  Always I reply, and so...

Ok. So I'd say 4 years ago it was pretty late on a Sunday night and I realized I had a yeast infection (ok stay with me) and the next day was a holiday and the day after that I was supposed to have sex with this guy. So I wanted to deal with this yeast infection pronto.  I googled home remedies.  Found TONS and decided the only one that I could do right then was to use garlic.  Essentially shove cloves of garlic in my vagina.  (Stay with me) I had a friggen Costco tub of garlic in my fridge SO I did. Next day went to take it out and couldn't find it.  I searched and searched...my bed everywhere trying to get all up in there.  Gone. I kind of freak out, I texted my bff at that time which was a 28 year old gay man...who had no words for me. I call my yoga friend that likes home remedies and had no words for me. I lost the garlic in my vagina! So, I finally call my gyno (the place I was actually trying to avoid) and make an appointment for a vagina search under the guise of a yeast infection.

I go to the appointment and it's not my DR., it's a sub doctor and she's asking me about my infection and finally I'm like LOOK. I lost some garlic in my vagina and I need you to find it...and she was hunched over her papers and she did that shoulder shake like you are trying to stifle a laugh.

So she looks for the garlic and doesn't find anything and prescribes the ONE pill you have to take to kill a yeast infection.  She made very clear to me it's the easiest thing to do LOL.  Anyway, I went to the gyno today and had her agian for the first time since and she remembered...she REMEMBERED!

And was like...what? I don't get to lok for garlic today?!?!?!?!

I was ( to be honest) a little mortified.

I laughed...and asked "Whatever happened to the garlic?

NOBODY KNOWS.

Maybe it fell out? But then why wouldn't I have found it??

It's a mystery.

Now, this is a perfect example of the simplicity of a man...because my only take away from that story for me is that your vagina eats things and I'm best served never to put my penis there. LOL!

She responded,

I've typed and erased like five different responses to that statement. All along the lines of...no penis has ever complained.

To which I responded,

As Holmes would say, "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."

And how is your dating life going?

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Filed under: Dating

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