It's that time of year again. As the flowers being to bloom, grass begins to grow and the ivy at Wrigley Field turns from brown to green, men all along the continent begin sprouting their own growths.
Yes, it's playoff beard time. If you're new to the phenomenon, the hockey tradition was started in the 80's by the New York Islanders. The rule was that you couldn't shave until you've won the Stanley Cup. Other team's players adopted it, and it's been hockey tradition ever since.
Here's a look at some of the best (and worst) beards of today's hockey elite.
So you want to join the tradition and grow your own playoff beard? Here are a few rules and guidelines.
1. Playoff beard growth should begin the second the regular season ends. If you haven't started yet, it starts today.
2. Playoff beards, in their intended form, should not be maintained in any way. No trimming, no sculpting. You don't want your face to look like Geovany Soto's eyebrows. (NOTE: Exceptions are made for dudes with hair sprouting moles or freckles. No one wants to see an extra inch growing from some unseen source. Keep that hair the same length as the real beard, and you're set!)
3. No matter how itchy it gets, it must stay. I find Herbal Essences' "Drama Clean" does a fine job of de-itching my man mane. As the playoffs roll on, and the summer comes, your face will be hot. Frozen peas on your face are totally acceptable.
4. The uglier the better. Some people can grow awesome Billy Mays / Chuck Norris type beards. These people suck. We're looking for patchy and splotchy.
5. A wedding is no excuse to shave. If she doesn't like it, she shouldn't have planned the wedding in playoff season.
6. A funeral is no excuse to shave. They're dead...what do they care? Plus, God has an awesome beard. He'll explain when the dearly departed arrive at the pearly gates.
7. If your team is eliminated, you must ceremonially shave immediately. That night...as the horn sounds. You are not allowed to hang on to it. You lose the game, you lose the beard. For the ceremony, you need all the sad music, drunken tears, and drama you can muster. This should be the most emotionally scarring moment of your life.
8. Know that children WILL BE FRIGHTENED. Even kids who know you but haven't seen you in a while may run in fear. It doesn't matter. Be strong! They'll get over it with some Kool-Aid or Fun Dip. That stuff is like crack to kids.
9. If you CAN'T grow a beard, adjust. Patrick Kane knows he can't grow a beard, so he's growing a playoff mullet (see photo album). That's an A for effort.
10. For Blackhawk fans, playoff moustaches are totally acceptable. Joel Quenneville should be honored. What better way than with an awesome 'stache.
Women are not exempt from playoff beards. Some refuse to shave their legs...others get more...um...creative. I'll just leave it at that.
Hawks begin the playoffs Wednesday in Vancouver! I expect to see at least some impressive stubble when they get back to the UC!
Filed under: Blackhawks, Chicago Sports, danny mac show, hockey, jonathan toews, NHL, nhl playoffs, Patrick Kane, patrick kane mullet, playoff beard, wscr
Tags: blackhawks, chicago sports, danny mac show, hockey, jonathan toews, NHL, nhl playoffs, patrick kane, patrick kane mullet, playoff beard, wscr
You have to give props to the Niedermayer brothers.
[img]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_29WRBdtyz68/SBUviKeq0VI/AAAAAAAAAMM/gmcsOX8-_GA/s320/rob_and_scott_with_stanley.jpg[/img]
They are the Moses and Aaron of the playoff beard.
[img]http://karenswhimsy.com/public-domain-images/free-christian-clipart/images/free-christian-clipart-2.jpg[/img]
Is Geo trying to look like Prince?
He looks more like a drag queen, really.
I've been growing a playoff beard since the season started... but... I'll stop shaving the neck stubble.
We are documenting Andrew Ladd's and Colin Fraser's playoff beards at RedEye. http://bit.ly/heybeardman It's cool. Hopefully they get to grow them for a nice long time.