An Open Letter to the Men Who Can’t Figure Out Why We Aren’t Dating?

An Open Letter to the Men Who Can’t Figure Out Why We Aren’t Dating?

Presently, I’m single and dating.

To further clarify, I’m not in a committed relationship and I’m entertaining offers. I have a few gentlemen callers who are in my dating peripheral (which means we correspond occasionally, but I’m not taking them seriously) and for the life of them, they can’t figure out why we aren’t dating.

Since I feel no need to explain the obvious to a grown man, I usually ignore them when they ask "what’s up with us?". But I thought it would make an interesting topic for my blog, so here are the reasons we aren’t dating:

1) YOU DON’T CALL ME. Facebook messages and texts are cool for homies, but if you’re seriously trying to date me, I expect you to pick up the phone and have actual vocal conversations with me. FB and text messages are easy. You can multi-task a message to me and ten other girls at the same time. You can’t have a quality conversation with multiple people and I can tell a quality conversation so if you want to stand out, call me. Let me know you’re taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to me. Show me you want to hear my voice and want me to hear yours. If we never talk on the phone, we aren’t ever going to date.

2) YOU DON’T TAKE ME OUT. I’ve never dated online because I don’t have to. I’m a fun, active woman. I love going outside and meeting people face-to-face so I’m not going to have a virtual relationship with you. If our only interaction is text messages or private Facebook chats, then you aren’t worth my time. I like to see the men I’m dating. I want to hear your words and match them to your facial expressions. It’s a lot easier to tell if someone is lying in person and I like to weed out the bullshit asap. If we never go out on dates, we aren’t ever going to date. It’s redundant, but you’d be amazed at how many men don’t understand this concept.

3) YOU DON’T ROMANCE ME ON SPECIAL DAYS. Christmas and New Year's are just around corner. After that is Valentine's Day and then my birthday (which I consider a national holiday) is a week and two days after V-Day. If you call yourself trying to date me, but aren't asking me out for any (preferably all) of those romantic holidays, then we have nothing to talk about. Again, you would think that’s obvious, but I continue to be amazed that it’s not. If you aren’t putting forth your best efforts as a suitor on romantic holidays, we aren’t ever going to date.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like to be courted. I think gentlemen with manners are the sexiest things walking the earth. The people who say there’s a man shortage are wrong. There are plenty of great options out here. Yes, I got options. Yes, I’m entertaining offers. No, I’m not settling for any ole’ half-relationship. If you want to take Single Girl Summer off the market, bring me flowers, hug me tight and close, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, open my car door, call me on the phone, take me out on a date, and let’s enjoy each other’s company. If you think this is too much to ask, then we aren’t ever going to date and I’m fine with that.


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Deanna Burrell is the author of the hilarious and best-selling novel, Single Girl Summer. If you're African-American, it's the black girls' "Sex and the City." If you're not black, it's "Sex and the City...Chicago style." Download it today! (P.S. If you're trying to date me, you better buy 10 books and give them as gifts...LBVS)

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