How Do I Know If He’s Into Me?

How Do I Know If He’s Into Me?

Yesterday, in my blog, I reminded women to run from men who are just not into them. One comment I received was a request for a checklist for ladies to know when a man IS into them. The commenter thinks women need help determining that as well and are sometimes too quick to write good men off. I thought that was an excellent suggestion so here we go…

How do you know if a man is into you? Because he will tell you AND he will show you. He will not send you mixed signals. It’s true that actions speak louder than words but you will know a man is serious about being with you when both his words and actions are in alignment. Again, I ask you to open your copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” to the table of contents. If a man is into you, he’ll be the opposite of the points listed on that page and I’m going to include some of my own observations.

If a man is into you, he will:

-Ask you out and date you consistently.

-Call you regularly.

-Make you feel good about yourself by complimenting you and making you feel desirable.

-Want to have sex with you.

-Patiently and respectfully wait until you are ready to have sex with him.

-If you agree you’re in a monogamous relationship, he won’t have sex with someone else.

-Introduce you to his friends and family at special occasions. (Don’t be fooled if you casually run into his mother or if you’re the best choice for a couples movie night with his frat brothers because sometimes that doesn’t count; if he takes you to the big family Christmas dinner or out-of-town family reunion, then you know you’re special.)

-Support and help you. (For example, you’re hosting an event and he not only comes, but calls beforehand to see if you need him to pick up any last-minute odds and ends.)

-Put up with your bullshit. (We all have something neurotic or annoying about us. He accepts your quirk(s) and still loves you just the way you are. Hell, he even thinks it’s cute.)

-Commit to you and a long-term relationship. (Preferably, he will initiate conversations about the status of your relationship. He won’t want you seeing anyone else and he will make it clear that he isn’t either.)

-Talk about your future together AND make plans with you. (Again, his words and actions must being in alignment. Just talking about future plans isn’t enough. He must talk about your future AND make plans.)

-Have a consistent presence in your life.

-Compromise to make the relationship work.

-Want to make and keep you happy. (He accomplishes this by checking on you and being concerned about your well-being.)

-Mirror your communication. (When you call and leave him a voicemail, he will call you back. He won’t just text you.)

-Invest in you. (He will talk to you, listen to you, and spend time with you.)

-Incorporate you into his life. (For example, he lets you leave stuff at his place and posts pictures of you on his social network page.)

-Share with you. (Sharing can be physical like he lets you drive his car or it can be emotional like he opens up about his vulnerabilities.)

-Make you feel emotionally safe and secure.

Bottom line is when a man is into you, he treats you and your happiness like top priorities in his life. You don’t wonder where you stand in the relationship. He doesn’t say one thing and then do something else. You don’t have to guess about what’s going on with the two of you. When you’re together, you feel comfortable and at home. And that’s the kind of man every woman deserves to have.


Deanna is the author of Voted “Most Creative”, a collection of poems and essays that inspire creativity, growth, and self-expression and Single Girl Summer, the story of three women navigating the ups and downs of life during one special summer in Chicago. Find out more at


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  • You sure about "want to have sex with you" as a sign a guy is into you? I think that's just a sign a guy is in the room with you.

  • "Patiently and respectfully wait..." for the woman to be ready to have sex with him? Like it is a special gift to be bestowed? There is no conversation or communication both ways on this very important issue?

  • In reply to Richard Davis:

    @Richard, I agree that there should be conversation and communication both ways. But more likely than not, he will be ready before she will be and if he's into her, he'll patiently wait. And it is a special gift.

  • I do disagree, based on experience. In fact, if the woman is ready and the man is not, whether it is because it isearly in the dating sequence or religion or custom, usually the reaction is not good. Masculinity and sexual preference are questioned, or the woman may insinuate that you do not find her attractive. This is just to say that it is, especially in today's world of equal sexual opportunity, a bit of a generalization to say that the guy is always in heat and ready to pounce. Some have enough self control to understand that there are consequences to words and actions.

    This "allowing" of sex is a gift for whom? It just sounds like poor communication to me.

  • Oh Jimmy, you would be surprised. LOL.

  • this can be shortened... if you have never met a man's friends and he only calls you during the night. He is not into you.

  • In reply to Evan Moore:


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