How to explain the definition of a relationship with a pre-teen

This morning, Little Woman came to me in the kitchen with a smile on her face.

My first thought was OH CRAP, WHAT NOW?!

Most of us parents know that if our kids are eerily silent or smiling for no reason, they’re up to no good. And this never changes, no matter how old they get.

Anyhoo….so this is how the conversation went:

ME: What’s up?

Little Woman: (smiling) Nothing.

ME: No really, what’s going on?

LW: Nothing……..

ME: Ok, are we going to do this all day? I’ve got shit to do.

LW: So Andrew has been texting me……

ME: (rolling eyes) oh really. And?

LW: He wants to get back with me.

ME: Really? And what did you say?

LW: I said sure, yea. What do you think?!

WHAT. DO. YOU. THINK.

Oh lord……I think the biggest mistake anyone can make is to ask for my honest opinion about something, because I’m going to give it. And it may not be pretty, polite, nor correct. But always take comfort knowing that whatever advice I give you will always be the truth, completely from the heart. It may be raw. It may make hurt your feelings. It may make your ears bleed, but dammit – it’s the truth. Deal with it how you may.

So I answered Little Woman the best I could. A shot of life, followed with a reality chaser.

No honey, I don’t think you should get back with him.

*First of all, you were never ‘dating’. Just because you slap a label on each other’s foreheads does not make you boyfriend/girlfriend. Dating involves time and the energy to connect. He has given none of the above.

*He never told his parents about you (for some bazaar reason I will never understand). If the boy won’t introduce you to his parents, then something is wrong.

*He broke up with you to date someone else, who quickly rejected him. Do you really want to be with someone who is always looking for the next best option?

*Worse yet, he broke up with you thru text while you were in Hawaii. Thousands of miles away. Coward.

*So after a hurtful rejection and months of reflection, he now comes crawling back to you. Tail between his legs. Boohoo, feel sorry for me. Really?

My final advice?

Baby, you are an amazing, intelligent, talented person. They way he treated you was wrong. You are nobody’s sloppy seconds. Ever.

I didn’t want to go further than that, because at this age, there is no reason to. But one message I wanted to clearly send is that she should never accept bad behavior from any one, and completely demand respect from everyone.

I feel another serious talk happening soon. Let me gird my loins in the meantime.

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