I just lost my shit. Completely fell apart in front of Dude. Today was supply drop off day, which gave him a few minutes to see his classroom and meet his new teacher. His teacher gave us a note to read at bedtime, about going to bed on time, have sweet dreams, and wake refreshed for all the adventures that await him tomorrow. She even included a packet of “magic” confetti to sprinkle under his pillow. It was so cute and filled with so much love and positivity, yet I broke down into a hot mess. Dude was confused, asking why I was crying.
How do you explain to a 5-year-old that sometimes reality smacks you in the face, wishing you could make time stop?
How do you explain to a 5-year-old that Mama’s heart is breaking because her only son, her second-born – her baby – is about to enter a whole new world? And she worries for you.
How do you explain to a 5-year-old that Mama is having a difficult time letting go of the apron strings? Yes baby, you are an amazing young boy, and I’ve worked really hard to help you grow your wings.
But now that it’s time for you to fly, I’m filled with conflicting emotions. Go fly baby, be free. But remember that Mama will be anxiously waiting for you to come home every day. For pretty much the rest of your natural damn life.
UUUUGHHH! See! I’m having a goddamn mental breakdown!
It’s Last Baby Syndrome, I get this. After The Dude, there is no one else. I’ve already experienced several moments when my ovaries cry and say “HAVE ANOTHER!”
Um, yea. I’m almost in my mid-40’s. Never gonna happen. And I’m ok with that.
Funny thing is, when it comes to Little Woman, I don’t have a worry in the world. She’s entering her second year in Jr. High, she’s got this shit down. Apparently I’ve done something right, because that girl has her head on straight and is on an amazing path. Except when boys get involved, then we tend to hit a few speed bumps. But that’s to be expected.
I know it’s stupid to say I want to shelter her from any heartbreak in the Boy Area, because if we were never hurt, we never would learn. And grow. And become stronger.
UUUUGHHH! See! Goddamn endless circle of life. Meh.
I’m trying. Every day. I’m trying so damn hard. Someone please talk me down….
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