If you’re a parent, then you know them. You’ve seen them up close. Within the first couple of days, you’ve sized them up to a tee and have based your entire relationship around them in exactly that short amount of time.
It’s almost like dating – but with toddlers.
4 days into the Dude’s kindergarten career, I think I’ve already categorized most of the parents dropping off and picking up their kids twice a day, every day.
#1 – The Saran Wrap Mom – This is the mom that is close by and/or consistently touching their child, giving endless amounts of hugs and kisses until the child gives the Look of Death and/or says ‘Mom, stop it!’ They are guilty of loving a bit too much, to the point of embarrassment.
#2 – The Social Media Mom – This is the mom that only walks her child to the door as a formality, but has her head completely buried in her Galaxy 2X300PH4 the entire time. She never makes eye contact with anyone, because, what? There’s real humans in the world?! Is there an app for that?
#3 – The Over-exuberant Mom – This is the mom that is so anxious to get rid of her kid that she only walks her child half-way down the sidewalk, then runs back to her car, shaking her keys in the air and screaming the battle cry of William Wallace ~ FREEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOM!
#4 – The Pajama Mom – I know I’m not the epitome of beauty at 7:30 in the morning, but damn – at least I make the effort to put on real pants. These moms that show up in flannel PJ pants and 5 year-old Crocs just make my brain go into a full-blown panic attack. I know us Mamas are preoccupied with other things, but honey…when did you lose all self-respect?!
#5 – The Hot Dad – There’s always one. And don’t think we don’t notice you. Yes, we are swimming in a pool of estrogen, but we see you, Dear Sir. We’re trying not to stare. And of course we’re all wondering what you do for a living to afford you the luxury of being able to drop off and pick up your child every day. Do you work from home? You have nice lips. Do you own your own business? I like your hair. Are you the CEO of your own start-up that you’re about to sell to Apple for 2.5 million dollars? Damn you are cute…what do you look like without your shirt? And the way you hug your child at dismissal is enough to render our knees weak. A man that loves his kid is the sexiest thing we’ve ever seen. Dear babyjeezus, thank you for being you.
Oh, and if you’re wondering exactly where I fit in with this scale….take a guess. If you know me well enough, then leave your guess below in a comment. (FYI – it’s not #5.)
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