Letter To A New Mom: 5 simple steps towards sanity

Congratulations, you’re a new mom! You survived 9 months of pregnancy and endless hours of labor…so now what?!

This is about the time when you freak the hell out.

I totally understand, I’ve been in your position. Twice. My first was born 12 years ago, after spending the first 30 years of my life figuring out who the hell I was, pursuing a degree, establishing a career as a writer, then finally settling down.

Yet even after all this preparation, when the doctor put that petite ball of baby in my arms for the first time, fear completely consumed me. It’s a scary thing knowing you’re completely responsible for another human being. So here’s a few words of wisdom I’d like to share.

#1 ~ Don’t freak out! Because if you do, then your husband will freak out, then the baby will pick up on that freakiness, then the dog will start peeing on the carpet due to stress…your whole house will become anarchy! Deeeeeep breaths. Positive thoughts. Keep telling yourself that you’ve earned the title of Mom, so you got this.

#2 ~ If people offer help, TAKE IT. When everyone under the sun pops up and offers to cook you dinner, clean your house, babysit so you can go on a date with Baby Daddy or take a nap/shower, do it! The biggest mistake I made after my daughter was born is refuse help. I thought I was Da Bomb. Eventually, I just became a smelly, exhausted, disorganized Bomb that didn’t even recognize the person sleeping next to her anymore.

#3 ~ The feedings will eventually end. My first-born ate every 2 hours on the dot for what seemed like forever. The child didn’t sleep through the night until she was 6 months old. I thought I was going to lose my goddamn mind. The only thing that kept me sane was spying on my neighbors in the wee hours of the night and knowing that this too, like labor, shall end. The first time she slept through the night, I freaked out (see #1 – don’t do that). But it was the best night of my life. The cycle was complete! I was a free woman!

#4 ~ Poop and Vomit will be everywhere. Get use to it. Don’t expect to be squeaky clean for a while. That little ball of love you and hubby created will be pooping and puking for a long time to come. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or you work in an office, you will more than likely have a spot of vomit on every shirt you own and the occasional smudge of feces in your hair. No one said motherhood was sexy.

#5 ~ You will discover an unparalleled level of patience. If you think you’re losing your mind, you probably are. If you are convinced that your baby is an alien, they probably are. If you think your level of tolerance has been pushed to the tenth-degree, it has. But when you look into those amazing eyes as they smile at you in recognition and grab your finger, all of that melts away. Welcome to the club my friend, you are officially a mom.

So slap on your big girl panties and be prepared for one hell of a ride.

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