It’s amazing how much crap that runs through your brain from the moment you wake up until you pass out in a drunken stupor.
Just kidding. I haven’t had anything to drink today, but I did realize several things in the short span of the past 16 hours when I first fell out of bed with bad breath and a pissy attitude. First, I realized that now matter how hard I try, no matter how many nuggets of advice I give someone, no matter how much I beg them to learn from my mistakes; you will never, ever be able to change someone. Most will sit, smile and nod while listening to you, but in the end, they’re going to do whatever the hell they want. It can be frustrating at times, making me wonder why the hell I waste my time, but I’ve come to realize that I am the exact same way. GHAAAAAA! One big vicious circle.
I also discovered, while sucking down my 4th cup of coffee this morning, that I’m getting tired of trying to please everyone all the damn time. With a new year right around the corner, it’s time to make some changes. I need to focus on the people that truly care about what I have to say, and accept my every disgusting flaw. I thought about the things I refuse to apologize for any more and came up with a short list.
*When I tell the kids to keep quiet and hinder all communication with me until I’ve had my first cup of coffee. Caffeine is king.
*To know me is to love my filthy mouth. I say what I mean and I always mean what I say. So if you are offended by crass language, perhaps you need to move on. I wasn’t given the nickname of ‘Trucker’ for no reason.
*If I give you my complete heart, soul, faithfulness and friendship, I expect you to reciprocate. I’ve known too many people that have abused all of the above. So if you choose to give me less than 100%, I will drop you quicker than a hot potato.
*I’ve taught my kids to stand up for themselves. Being a former victim myself, I despise physical violence. I’ve always told my kids that when in a threatening situation where the other person throws the first punch, I give you permission to protect yourself, no questions asked. And if school authorities call me in, I will always be on your side.
*I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t sleep around. I rarely go out. I love my wine. Everyone has his or her vices, so cut me some slack when I want to enjoy a glass (or bottle, depending on the night) of wine. It keeps me sane, keeps me balanced. And nothing is more horrid than a schizophrenic mama.
*I tend to regress to my teen years when life gets hard to handle. So excuse me while I temporarily drown my sorrows in Duran Duran music while watching a John Hughes movie.
*I love my food. Don’t take me to a steak house and expect me to order just a salad. I want my appetizer, bread, wine, meal and then dessert. Boom. I’m not a cheap date.
*I was raised with certain manners: Whether going to church or downtown, you dress up. When going to someone’s home, you bring a dish or bottle of wine to share, never go empty-handed. You always hug hello and goodbye. You always look someone in the eye when they are talking to you. Always appreciate what others do for you through pure selflessness, and reciprocate whenever possible. If you lack in all these manners, I will call you out. Be on your A-game at all times.
So, have I exhausted you yet? Yes, this is the amount of stuff that runs through my head every day. And people wonder why I drink….
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