How to get on my good side, in a nutshell. And FYI, nuts have nothing to do with it.

I’m a woman with simple needs. I was raised in a simple middle-class house on the South Side of Chicago. I’ve never asked for much, and I’ve never demanded anything.

To please me is, well, very simple.  However, I do have a few particulars I enjoy when possible. If you can share any of these with me, then you’ll have my heart for life. Let’s discuss….

*Coffee. For me, this is a necessity, every morning, 7 days a week. It gets my juices flowing and allows me to be human before noon. I don’t care if it’s a $6 latte from Starbucks or a 99-cent cup of coffee from the Shell gas station, it’s all good. Buy me a hot cup of coffee and I’ll entertain you for hours.

*Buy me kitchen shit. I’m not sure if it’s my age or my ever-growing passion for cooking, but nothing thrills me more than receiving a kitchen utensil that will make my life easier. I don’t care if it’s a $3 buck potato masher from Target or a $20 crock-pot from Wal-Mart. Both will guarantee a huge SQUEEEEE in my book. And unless you are Robert Downey Jr. showing up at my front door naked, I rarely SQUEEEEE.

*Feed my lip-gloss addiction. I have this weird thing about my lips - I hate dry lips. I literally have lip-gloss in every damn room of my house, including my car, and I refuse to apologize for it. I can run around town and pace my house a thousand times without a stitch of makeup on, but if my lips are dry…oh snap. I’ll get twitchy. And Mama ain’t no fun when she’s twitchy. Oh BTW, my fav lip gloss in the world is Wet n’ Wild MegaSlicks in Bronze Berry #568. $1.99 at your local Walgreens. Boom. Done.

*Meat n’ Potatoes. As a proud Midwestern gal, there ain’t nothing better than a good hunk of lean meat, cuddled up to a sweet piece of starch that is begging to be devoured. I’m not one of those gals that will push aside a salad and call it a night. I want the appetizer, the salad, the wine and the main course, thankyouverymuch. And I will clear every plate clean with a smile on my face. I’m a healthy girl and I love my food.  I know this sounds like a total ‘Dude’ thing to say, but if you fill my belly full of good food, then I’m yours forever!

*A good cheap wine. I know, I just wrote an oxymoron there, but there really is such a thing as good cheap wine. Totes! I’ve tasted $2 buck glasses of wine and I’ve had a $1,000 dollar glass of wine, and ya know what – it all kinda tastes the same, to an extent. Sure, there’s the tannins, colors, aging process, smells and textures to compare, but when comes down to it, they’re almost the same. Yes, I have my favs. And if you know me well enough, when you show up at my front door with the preferred cheap wines in hand, I will greet you with open arms.

*Coach . Ok, it’s only fair that I talk about my Coach addiction. She’s huge, and she can be pricey, yet she is something I rarely receive.  I give holiday and birthday hints that MAY or MAY NOT be fulfilled, but I always put it out there. Just to intrigue the masses.  If it happens, it happens. If not, then, eh….I’ll live. But Mama would really likey for the once-a-year-pursey I would treasure forever and eventually pass on to Little Woman. A multi-generation investment. Boom. Done.

*Sleep. If you don’t know me well, let me sleep. If you know me well, let me sleep. If you want to make me happy, let me sleep. Sleep is good, and makes all the bad things in life go away. I like sleep. So if you have no clue what to do with me at any point, take my kids and let me sleep. When I wake, I will love you forever, I swear. Want some coffee?!

 

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