So before we begin, please read Woodlawn Wonder’s post first. Then you’ll get the jest of exactly what we are going for here.
I’ve been asked to taste-test recipes, partake in a wine flight and sample exotic cuisine. But I have never, ever been asked to try out a new oral sex enhancer – until now.
I’m not exactly sure what made me the perfect candidate; the fact that I was just about to begin writing about a 30-day sex challenge with my husband or the fact that I have no filter whatsoever and will gladly take on anything someone throws at me…who knows. So I wasn’t exactly shocked when my friend and fellow blogger Woodlawn Wonder asked me to try this out. Sure, I giggled at the whole concept, but gladly agreed.
At our last blogger gathering, we quickly scurried off to a corner, whispering and laughing, and turned our backs as she quickly passed me the samples and I discreetly put them in my purse. We probably looked like crack whores exchanging the goods, but little did everyone know the truth. Including my Hubby.
The whole concept of the Masque flavor enhancer is to make oral sex a more pleasurable experience for the woman by, um, “masquing” the taste of your man’s spunk.
There, I said it. Go ahead and reread the previous sentence. I’ll wait….
I can totally appreciate the ideal of this product, but after a test run all I can say is this product fell short. Like, way short.
My first complaint is the packaging. There is no easy way to open this bitch. There is no peel-back corner, nor a ‘tear here’ marking with the applicable dots. I tried to discreetly open it with my hands, with no luck. Then I tried to tear it open with my teeth. Again, epic fail. In the meantime, Hubby is asking me what the hell I’m doing on my side of the bed and I feel like I’m playing a game of Beat The Clock. Ugh!
Second complaint is the size of the strip itself. It’s suppose to be a thin strip that you place on your tongue and allow to melt like a Listerine breath strip. Instead, I pull out a strip barely the size of my fingernail. Um…..ok. I seriously began to wonder how such a small product could make a huge impact, but oh well. Maybe it was only suppose to be this small. Guess I’m not use to putting such small things in my mouth………
Third complaint would be the taste. I had the choice of mango or watermelon. I chose mango, being the favored fruit. As soon as I placed it on my tongue, it eventually dissolved into a small gooey ball of….gel. That’s the best way to describe it. As if you took that glue strip that attaches a credit card to paper…the stuff you have to slowly peel off with your fingers…this is exactly what I think this would feel like in my mouth. And the “mango” flavor was a bit off. It was more like “mango with multiple chemicals.” Blah!
Despite this weird taste already in my mouth, I continued on to complete the challenge I swore to uphold, the whole time praying that there is a glass of water nearby. Just in case.
Eventually, the Glory Moment happened, and it was, um, gross. The combo of man and factory-created mango totally threw off my taste buds and made me want to gag. I honestly believe that if men were suppose to naturally taste like nature, then it would’ve happened long ago. This whole forced combo was exactly that. Forced.
But I still have hope. If anyone finds a product that makes a man taste like pure 90% cacao chocolate, call me!
Please be sure to follow Woodlawn Wonder on facebook. She’s the only one that had the balls to challenge me. I give her props.
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Filed under: The 30-day sex challenge