When I have too much time on my hands (which isn’t often) I tend to think about random crap for absolutely no reason. Things fly into my head with no warning and really tickle my brain for a bit. Much like the Pyramids, Loch Ness, the Arc of the Covenant, Area 51 and the Mind of a Human Man, these mysteries of the world really don’t make much sense, but they tend to make me pause and ponder. For example:
*Why is it when I get less than 6 hours of sleep, I tend to feel better than when I get 8 or more?
*How many times can a 4-year-old poop in one day? I mean, really? Once and I’m done, but my son is continuing poop machine. Where is it all coming from??
*Why is it whenever I vacuum and steam mop the hardwood floor only then does the dog chooses to crap all over it afterwards?
*I sit down to pee in the middle of the night, only to find we have no toilet paper. Or the similar scenario of stumbling to the kitchen in the morning and find we’re out of coffee. GHAAAA!
*You’re all set for a sexy snugglydate at home with the hubby and he falls asleep 10 minutes into the movie you’re watching. Really?
*How sad it is that nowadays, your idea of an exciting Friday night is putting the kids to bed early and getting drunk with your hubby off a bottle of $7 dollar wine from the grocery store while standing in your kitchen discussing the rational of SpongeBob SquarePants.
*Why is it on days when you haven’t showered, hair up, glasses, no make-up, crappy t-shirt, wearing yoga pants that could practically walk by themselves do you then run into your old high school boyfriend? Fuck.
*Why is it when ever you walk into every retail facility in the neighborhood, your kids automatically have to pee. Now!
*You get so drunk at a family party and tell your cousin, in graphic detail, how you lost your virginity in your parents house. With your dad standing right behind you. Oops!
*Why is it that now, after birthing 2 children, every time I sneeze really hard I tinkle in my britches a bit? WAIT! Don't answer that...
*Why is it that now that I’m officially in my 40's, I can’t drink or dance as long and hard as in my 20’s? My head throbs and my joints ache for the next 3 days. So unfair!
Ahhh, so many more mysteries of the world, yet little time to think. So someone please chime in here and let me know that I’m not the only crazy mama out there whose head is filled with ridiculous thoughts. Please? Anyone…..anyone?!
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