Nothing tests your survival skills more than getting your ass kicked six ways from Sunday. For me, 2012 was that year. Between family drama, personal setbacks, disease and death, my cup runnith full of shit. I’m shocked that I didn’t go completely homicidal, at best. Life can suck at times, I already know this. But there are times that push your strength to the core and make you second-guess your place in this world.
Towards the last couple of months of 2012, I prayed, every day, that no other catastrophe would occur. You suddenly find yourself waking up each day dreading every time the phone would ring, thinking “ugh, now what?!” Pins and needles, with expectations being the worst – it takes a toll on one’s soul. Yet at the end, I had hope.
Stupid, ridiculous hope. This insane notion that things WILL get better, that life can be good again. That the only way to go from here was UP.
I spent so much of that year being angry. Angry that I couldn’t control what was going on around me. FUCK YOU LIFE! Angry that I couldn’t save certain people. FUCK YOU LIFE! Angry that I didn’t have all the answers. FUCK YOU LIFE! So angry at the realization that things wouldn’t turn out the way I expected. FUCK YOU LIFE!
At the end of the year, I wasn’t making the usual resolutions that are expected. I just prayed for an upcoming year filled with peace, health and love for everyone in my life. I prayed for minimal drama, at least for a small period of time.
So far, the first quarter of 2013 had been amazing, and the outcome looks great. I now pay more attention to the blessings in my life, and consciously recognize the once-in-a-lifetime events that I am experiencing every day. I am now grateful for each moment I have; day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month.
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