Tonight’s blog is sponsored by the letter B

Tonight’s blog is sponsored by the letter B

As in “I’m a Bad Mama, because my kid ate food off the floor. Booooo!”

But let me explain!

As I was washing off a handful of seedless green grapes to put into a child-friendly BPH-free-Gerber approved-kid-friendly bowl, I dropped one on the floor. Snap!

So Dude proceeds to bend down, pick it up, and before I could get the word NOOOOOOOOOOO out of my mouth, it was in his.

Fuck.

He ate the grape. No blood. No bones. I wasn’t gonna worry. 10-second rule, right?

So this made me think of all those silly little ‘rules’ we grew up with as kids, but really don’t hold any value nowadays……as in:

*Don’t cross your eyes, they’ll stay that way: Um, no they don’t. I did that shit a ton as a kid. Aside from astigmatism, my eyes are perfectly normal.

*If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?: Well, not a literal bridge, because that would be stupid. But if they were experimenting with something devious, for sure I was interested. However, nothing really stuck. In hindsight, that’s a good thing.

*If you kiss a boy, you’ll get pregnant: Um, yep. In my experience, that’s how the whole thing gets started. I now have two kids. Point noted. Never mind...

*Stupid is as stupid does: As a child, it’s endearing. But as an adult, it gets old. And tedious, repulsive and just plain…ugggg…..frustrating! Grow the fuck up!

*If you keep doing that, you’ll go blind: I have yet to meet a blind impotent grown man due to said fact. Or woman. Just sayin’.

*Wait until your father gets home: Ha, for me that was a fruitless threat, because once my dad did get home and was told in graphic detail of my mischievous wrong-doing, he would usually just chuckle and give me a high-five, depending on my level of creativity. That use to burn my mother’s britches!

*Don’t eat yellow snow: Ah, yes, another good one that actually is great advice. Ignoring this gem would just be, ugh, gross. Then you’d have to run home and wash your mouth out with soap.

And finally, one that use to really hit home with me:

*Boys don’t date girls with freckles and glasses: The biggest lie of all that was told to me! Actually, I’ve found that quite the opposite was true. My freckles gained lots of attention, were called ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’, usually followed with many propositions to play a naughty game of Connect The Dots. And the whole glasses-thing turns into a total fantasy of Sexy Librarian or Sexy Schoolgirl. Need I say more?

So are there any silly childhood ‘rules’ you’d like to share? I double-dog-dare ya!

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