That time has finally come. After quitting my full time job 3 years ago to be a stay-at-home mom and resume my freelance writing career, it’s time to throw myself back in the corporate world. The kids are older, I could use more structure in my life, and to be honest – finding something in my field that offers financial stability would be nice.
But job hunting with 2 kids underfoot, a hubby that is gone 70 hours a week and a household to run is a whole different experience that has tested my patience, challenged my multi-tasking skills and increased my wine intake. Tremendously. Because homicide is illegal.
A few things that are driving me bonkers:
1. Because I don’t have the time to walk the streets every day meeting recruiters, I have to job hunt at home on sexy sites like Monster and craigslist, reading endless pages of job descriptions. This is a huge time suck. I have to fit this shit in while dressing and feeding kids, driving them to and from school & extracurricular activities, doing laundry, watching endless episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants, cooking dinner, helping with homework, giving baths, grocery shopping and being The Good Wife. I’m not complaining, I’m thankful for everything I have, but damn. My ass is tired.
2. Unless the kids are at school, phone interviews become a nightmare. Of course I never know when someone’s going to call, and I hate to miss an opportunity. So I’m left scrambling like a crack whore, trying to find some place to hide so I can have a decent conversation without them thinking I live with a bunch monkeys, screaming my name throughout the house and banging on doors until they find me. I’ve had to hit mute and scream FORTHELOVEOFJEEBUZIAMONTHEFRIGGINPHONE more times than I can count. Meh.
3. If any of these potential employers want to meet during off-school hours – and they always do – I have to scramble to find adequate childcare at the last minute. I’ve hounded friends, neighbors and family members in a panic, begging them for their help. Begging is so not cool. I think I’ve called in so many favors that I currently owe multiple people several bottles of booze, restaurant certificates and countless lap dances at the location of their choice.
4. I never have anything to wear. Or it doesn’t fit properly. Because it’s been years since I’ve been a “working professional” in a position that requires me to look, um, professional. But multiple pairs of yoga pants and several pounds later, none of that shit fits anymore. I like to think that little fairies entered my closet and shrunk all my clothes. But I know the truth. The whole eat-what-I-want-when-I-want-to thing catches up to you. The last interview I went on, my pants button was undone (yet covered by my blouse) and the middle button on my blouse kept popping open. It would’ve been great if I were trying to get the job based on breast size, but I was not. NOTE TO SELF: Go shopping bitch!
5. Finally, that ultimate question of “what exactly are your salary requirements?” Ugh, I hate that question more than anything. I'd rather be asked how many sexual partners I've had. Totes. I’m always torn between selling myself out or being completely honest. With me back at work, that would mean putting 2 kids back in daycare or hiring a private nanny. Then the cost of my commute. Then my everyday living expenses – mortgage, car payment, utilities, insurance, groceries, blahblahblah. Sometimes I’m afraid to tell them exactly what I need to support my family, out of fear of scaring them off, yet am then insulted when they offer me rubbish. It’s one. Big. Vicious. Circle!
What have been some of your experiences trying to re-enter the workforce? I’d love to hear from you! You can find me on facebook at LotusBluMama, or on twitter @lotusblumama.