Stinky Fish, Jenny Craig and Job Hunting: My stream of consciousness

I’m sitting at the island in the kitchen, trying to brainstorm for the next brilliant blog idea, as if it will come up and slap me in the face eventually, but becoming frustrated because all I can hear is my kids play-fighting in the background and hubby keeps hovering over me like an annoying fly ‘whatchawritingwhatchawriting?’while the whole house smells like damn fish, the dinner of choice tonight.

I fucking hate fish. The taste literally makes me gag and the smell is just as bad. But the rest of my family loves it so I cook it to appease. I’m hoping the glorious taste of the chardonnay I’m currently drinking (clearance at my local Jewel – WINNING!) will eventually kill my nasal passages to avert the horrid smell invading my house right now and completely KILLING MY MOJO!

There is nothing worse than a writer who’s LOST HER MOJO!

And to add insult to injury, Jenny Craig sent me a cutesy little flyer in the mail, telling me they’re running a special where I can join for a discounted rate and get all kinds of shit for free. Just call JENNY! Oh haha bitches, is this a hint?!

But what is really getting under my craw is the fact that I’m currently job hunting. UGH! Yea, the time has come when Mama Red needs to go back to work.

There, I said it!

The past 3 years of working freelance from the house has been great, but times have changed. 1. My kids are older and don’t need me as much. 2. Freelance work is great but completely unreliable. 3. I need to get back to a semblance of a professional life. Ya know, like wearing pants every day, putting on makeup and talking to people over 10 years old. Holy crap, what a concept!

So I’ve been scouring the inter webs for anything that sounds remotely attractive to me and whoring myself out there ~ as in ~ drafting redundant cover letters toting my years of experience and attaching a stellar resume (I am a professional writer, I should know how to draft an awesome resume.) But when I put all my facts on paper, I become nothing but an overeducated, over experienced, overqualified candidate that may or may not get called for an interview because they think they can’t afford me even before I have to opportunity to open my mouth.

I hate fish and I hate e-mailing resumes just the same. Seeing me on paper or a representation of me online does not justify who I am and what I can do in person. Talk to me. Spend 10 minutes getting to know me. Experience the crazy that is me.

Hold on a sec….just saw another interesting job posting. May the whoring commence!

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