The Dichotomy of March

The Dichotomy of March

Usually, the month of March is disgustingly predictable in the Midwest; continued amounts of snowfall and ass-biting cold, with the occasional sunny day popping in unexpectedly. Just to give you a false sense of hope and screw with your well-being.

Sounds a lot like my first marriage. Meh.

But this past month in Chicago has been a bit…..hinkey. Totally unseasonably warm and throwing everybody for a loop. Not that I’m not enjoying it, don’t get me wrong. But 70-degree weather in early March is a bit unnerving.  And when you throw in the whole time change thing, I’m really confused. There are pros and cons to everything, including the ridiculous events that are taking place right now.

Pros ~ Extended daylight. Now that the days are staying lighter longer, it motivates me to get off my ass and get more done in a 16-hour period. Yeah sunshine!

Cons ~ Crap. Now my kids will never want to go to bed at their appointed time. The whole argument of “but it’s not dark yet” followed by “I know honey, but it’s time to go to bed regardless” will become a reoccurring mantra for the next two months straight. Ugh.

Pros ~ The kids can play in the backyard for hours on end without being dressed in layers of debilitating clothes. They can run around carelessly, getting exercise and soaking in some vitamin D at the same time. Oh, and Mama can enjoy a few moments of peace without 2 kids up my ass all the time.

Cons~ They come back exhausted and cranky from overstimulation, leaving me regretting my decision to release them to the wild of our suburban backyard. Then I’m spending the next few hours calming them down until I can kick their butts to bed. Longest hours of. My. Life.

Pros ~ Spring Break! The perfect opportunity for the family to spend some real quality time together, travel to an exotic location and create life-long memories.

Cons~ If you’re like my family, with the rising cost of gas, hotel and airfare, you’re forced to turn a family Vacation into a Staycation. That means having the kids home every day, all day long. Under foot, in the bathroom while you pee, demanding every inch of your soul. Can you feel the anxiety building?!

Pros ~ St. Patrick’s Day. What better opportunity to teach my half-Irish children the joy of Irish cooking and the blessing of the native drink (well, for those over 21, which leaves 2 out of 4.) My poor kids are already confused as it is, so if by teaching them something about where their Mama came from, perhaps they will gather a better understanding of whom they are. So let’s prep that corned beef and pour Mama some Bailey’s. Time to get schooled my minions!

Cons ~ Holy crap, I’m so hung-over….and now I have to take care of 2 kids?! Effing Irish curse. This is the exact reason I married an Italian man who loves waking up at the crack of dawn. ‘Nuff said.

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