6:00 AM ~ Alarm goes off. Morning already? Who the hell allowed this to happen?! I quickly hit snooze.
6:01 – 6:29 ~ I hit snooze a few more times. I refuse to be my alarm's bitch.
6:30 ~ Little Woman stands in my bedroom, yelling at me to get my ass up. Yeayeayea, I heard ya! Meh. Needless to say, I am not a morning person.
6:40 ~ Drag my sleepy ass to the kitchen to throw together a ham sandwich and Capri Sun into a lunch box. Minimal brain cells involved. Bonus!
Just had an awesome idea for my next blog…where did I put my journal?
6:45 ~ Kiss the kid good-bye and shove out the door to catch the bus. Pray to the heavens above that Dude did not hear the ruckus, begging for another hour of sleep. Please?!
6:59 ~ Dude wakes up and proceeds to jump into bed with me, hitting every major reproductive organ in the process. Thank goodness I don’t need them anymore my dear child, the factory has been shut down.
7:01 ~ Coffee time! Thanks again to my parents, who gave me a Keurig. Gift from heaven. Pure genius!
7:02 ~ As I slowly wake up, I check emails, facebook, twitter and peruse my usual news website for the latest, as well as the celebrity sites. Gotta have my trash. Don’t judge.
7:15 ~ 2nd cup of coffee.
7:35 ~ 3rd cup of coffee. My face is starting to go numb. This is good.
8:00 ~ OMG I’m hungry. Aside from coffee, I need fuel to deal with the upcoming day. I scour the fridge for anything that doesn’t stand up on it’s own and speak 4 different languages to me. If not, then it’s safe. Game on!
8:02– Noon ~ Unless Dude is in pre-school, it’s a morning filled with tripping over a carpet of toys, bad Disney movies, dirty dishes, endless laundry and one tiny penis, peeing every 10 minutes. Oh, and a shower if possible.
12:01-12:30 PM ~ Try to shove some semblance of food down Dude’s throat. He’s at that frustrating/picky/I won’t eat anything phase. After awhile, I give up. You can lead a horse to water but can’t make him dance the mambo. Screw this.
Another idea just hit me …where the hell is my journal?!
12:35 ~ NAP TIME! Two best words in the English language, aside from More Wine and Don’t Stop.
12:45 – 2:00 ~ Attempt to eat lunch and get some writing done, in between putting Dude back in his bed 10 million times and participating in a yelling contest of “Mom, I have to poop. Take a nap! Mom I want some milk. Take a nap! Mom I want my trains. Take a nap! Mom I have to poop. For the love of all holy, TAKE A NAP!”
Great, now I have to poop.
2:01 – 5:00 ~ Bounced around the house wiping butts/writing in spurts/finishing laundry/starting dinner/helping with homework/breaking up fights/picking up the house (again)/more fucking dishes/returning phone calls/sending out emails/dolling out chores, etc. It’s never ending!
Finally found my journal under a pile of mail and Glamour magazines. Ideas are lost.
5:01 ~ Time for a glass of wine. Ahhhhhhh!
5:30 ~ Glass #2.
6:00 – 7:00 ~ Serve dinner to the minions, clean the kitchen and do dishes. So sexy.
7:00 – 8:00 ~ Bath time and prepping for bed. Bed Time is the 4th most amazing phrase I’ve ever heard.
Just had another awesome idea! Where the fuck did my journal go?!?!
9:00 ~ With all kids in bed, now is prime time for writing. Fire up the Pandora, pour another glass of wine and away we go!
9:30 ~ Face firmly planted on the keyboard, passed out from exhaustion, drooling on the letter K. DAMMIT!
Well, there’s always tomorrow…