During the start of this winter up until about 3 weeks ago I had been wearing my old jeans and hoping I could get one more season in before I just had to hang them up for good. Use to be that during the winter I would end up gaining some weight.
Winter of 2011 was TERRIBLE! I played Fall/Winter flag football with other ChicagoNow bloggers and was disgusted with myself. I would wear joggers because I could pull them up over my calves if I got too warm and they were loose. All I cared about was comfort. Then it came time to put the flag on. It is fucking embarrassing when you are the only team member who has to wear 2 sets of flags so they go all the way around you. Now mind you I only needed about 6 to 10 inches of the material but still!
Spring of 2012 I was wearing a size 14 jean and squeezing into them, and a size 16 in khakis that felt good. Fast forward to fall of 2012 and I was donning my size 12 petite black jeans and having a guy in the neighborhood following me to the train asking me for my phone number and telling me how my ass looks. I already knew he was lying as I am half Irish/German/euromutt and half Chinese, no fucking way I am getting an ass or hips out of that mix!
Fast forward again to February when Old Navy was running their $19 jeans sale and I was in heaven. I have a weakness for a few things, like:
Jones Soda - Real Sugar!Ambrosia Salad - Reminds me of my dad's 5 cup salad, which was basically the same thing
Chocolate Mousse - What? I am a woman and we LOVE anything chocolate, especially something that is fluffy and DELICIOUS!
Chocolate covered sea salt caramels - A friend brings these over ever so often and I LOVE THEM!
Jeans - If I could wear jeans everyday I would!
Knitting - It is a hobby/obsession/kitty toy.
Cooking - The one thing that I had as a connection with my dad.
Baking - The one thing my mom and I connected on.
When I heard the Old Navy sale was going on I was like FUCKIN' A! I was in need of new jeans since the belt I have is already in need of being replaced why not replace some jeans since they are on sale. Also this was an excuse for me to see what size I was at after this past year of weight loss. I was also there to get a black dress for a funeral I was attending that Friday so I was killing two birds in this trip.
Wearing my skinny jeans I felt like I was swimming in them on the bottom and I was good up top, so I figured what the hell I will grab a few pairs to see where I was coming out. I already knew 14's were out since I have those and they are very loose on me.
I tried on the 12's and they were ok, but they felt too loose. I mean why buy jeans I will have to replace in a few months when the weather starts to get warmer and I start forcing myself to become more active to drop the 20 lbs I have left to go. I don't have an ass or hips so they looked and felt ridiculous on me. Interesting how a pair of skinny jeans could look so great and the regular boot cut were sagging at the bottom of my ass. Here I am sagging and I am usually the one talking shit about someone having poopy pants when the ass of their pants are sagging.
I said "That's it" then proceeded to stick my head out of the dressing room and asked for a different size jean in the jeans. No skinny jeans as you do not have them in petite, so get me this, this, and this.
The girl that was working the dressing room that evening came back and handed me the jeans I asked for and I tried on the first pair and that is when I cried. I took one look at myself in the mirror and balled. Never in my life has a piece of clothing ever made me cry since losing my beautiful angora sweater that was a hand me down was lost in a bar in Wrigleyville as a child. I loved that sweater!
I sat down for about 5 minutes, thinking to myself that this cannot be. I thought long and hard, then got up and tried on the other 2 pairs that the sales girl handed me and this time the tears were streaming down my face when I put on the Flirty jeans. I made a decision at that moment, I was going home IN this pair of jeans. Yes, I wore the jeans home! I wanted to show off this new body that I was gaining back after so many years.
When I graduated high school in 1994, I was 158 lbs. Why do I remember my weight at 18? Excuse my expression, but this is how I describe my almost signing my life away. I was a cunt hair short of signing my life away to the Marine Corps when the Staff Sargent told me that I was at weight but they wanted me about 10 lbs lighter because women are notorious for packing on weight during training due to adding muscles and the stress.
We ladies know all about stress eating, just ask Grub Hub and their newest ad that is on the subway wall at Monroe of a brownie telling the woman "How 'bout I come over and make you forget about him." I find this very sexist, but I know quite a few ladies that eat when they are stressed or they were just dumped. Me, I starve myself because of the depression that sets in for the first week or 2. Once lost 20 lbs after I was dumped back in 2000 in a week, I couldn't eat.
Anywho, I got into line, paid for the 2 pairs of jeans I was getting at that time and the dress I picked out. I then asked if the checkout clerk could direct me to the ladies room so I could change. She informed me that I could go to the changing room rather then go through the whole ordeal of the public bathroom changing.
After I changed into my brand new jeans I had to take a picture. This was the first time I WAS NOT WEARING FAT JEANS! I walked out of the State Street Old Navy with my head held high floating on my cloud nine, texting my sister and a very good friend and fellow blogger about my tears of joy. I had gone from a size 16 in February of 2012 to a size 10 in February 2013! Here is going for the SIZE 8!!!
I sported my new tight fitting jeans on Chinese New Year's Eve with a handful of friends to help me celebrate. I wish I had pictures from that night to show you, instead I have my fitting room shot.
Next installment - Skinny Girl In The Fat Girls Body Part 10: The Evolution Of Brandi
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