"And you can kiss my..." If talking it out doesn't work, write a letter

Talking it out, write a letterThis is for all you bickering, arguing, in yo' face, door slamming, silent treatment, name calling, Facebook /Twitter trolling, nasty texting, hanging up, finger pointing, silent treatment parents out there who keep up the Daddy/Mama  drama, instead of working out your parenting disagreements. If talking it out doesn't work...

Write a letter.

Sometimes you can’t express how you feel face-to-face without going off. Sometimes you can’t express how you feel without the other person going off. How do you reconcile the hurt and pain you feel, or break through the impasse that keeps you from communicating to the other parent?

Write a letter.

Whether it’s your co-parent, family member, child's teacher or your own child,  if you can't rationally express your feelings (or the other person won't hear you) put it down on paper. I don’t mean a letter that’s written in the heat of emotion, but one that’s thought out and thought through. A letter written without anger or curse words, ridicule or insults. A letter that is truth, and written with respect and honesty. A letter that encourages resolution. Sometimes seeing the words on paper allows the reader to hear you, digest your message in their own time and then respond back with at least a little more respect. Writing a letter also gives you a chance to be heard uninterrupted. At least you got your point across. I'm not saying this tactic will solve all of your communication problems. But it's better than raising a lot of  hell.

Really,  try writing a letter.

Here's an example:

Dear Baby Mama,

I’m writing this letter to you in hopes that we can work out a mutually agreeable visitation arrangement with our daughter. I tried to talk to you face-to-face, but we always seem to get into an argument. We end up saying some hurtful things to each other. I know you’re just as tired of it as I am. So I thought I’d write you this letter. This is what I was trying to tell you before the big blow up: I want to see our daughter at the times that we mutually agreed. You said she could stay with me every other weekend, but when my weekend comes up, you’ve scheduled something else, like going out of town or she’s with your mother or something like that. That makes me angry, and I go off. You’re not holding your end of the agreement. I don’t miss a child support payment. I have not taken you to court for visitation rights because I didn’t want to go there. But if that is the only way I can see my daughter on the regular, then so be it. But I have some hope of us working things out on our own. At least arrange make up time for the weekends I missed. We should sit down and put together a plan. If that’s not cool for you, then to court we go.

Lastly, we need to show more respect toward each other. All this yelling and name calling has got to stop. We can start there. Give me a call or shoot me an email and tell me how you think we can solve this problem.

Sincerely,
Baby Daddy

Do you think writing a letter is a good way to communicate when talking is futile?

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    Edye

    I pursued a satisfying career in the advertising industry, served as a volunteer mentor and parent educator at my two (now grown up) sons' schools and have actually stayed happily married for over a quarter of a century. However, my most gratifying achievement was raising my sons well. I'm not saying there wasn't a little bit of hell raising going on, but you live and learn. Now I'm passing the knowledge on to you. My goal is to turn these nuggets of wisdom into reference books for parents.

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    Check out my other blogs: "Trending Over 40", An informational blog for those over 40 who find themselves social-media challenged, http://trendingover40.com "Black Copy" Reflections of a veteran ad chick, http://eldhughes.wordpress.com. You can find samples of my ad work on this site. Simply click on TV and Print tabs. Also check out my company, Hughes Who Productions http://hugheswhoproductions.com. We develop games and animation for casinos, marketers and educational institutions. Thank you for your interest. Blessings... Edye
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