If you could have a heart-to-heart parent talk with your mom (or dad) who's past on, what would you discuss? Here is my conversation.
MOM: Yeah baby.
EDYE: I’m so so bogged down…
MOM: I feel your sighs, I feel your heart, I even feel the stiffness in your neck…You know I would rub it away if I could, right?
EDYE: I know Ma…
MOM: So tell me what’s up, and that should rub the pain away…
EDYE: Okay. You know I’m a grandma…
EDYE: I’m older than you too.
MOM: [Lol], Yes, you are Edye. I’m so glad you were able to live past my age. You were worried about that, remember?
EDYE: Yeah. Just pressing toward that next milestone, Mom. I’m feeling the bones getting old, going through the change. Hustling for jobs and what not. Can’t kick back and chill. Seems like I’ve got too much on my plate, but my appetite isn’t satisfied. Just a lot going on, you know?
MOM: Well, you’re not going to make it carrying the world. It’s meant to carry itself – spinning around, on its own axis. No need to get caught up in the spin, baby.
EDYE: Easier said than done.
MOM: That was my problem. I couldn’t set aside the stress and this is the result.
MOM: It’s the truth. Look, you’ve got two beautiful boys. You and Darryl did a fine job raising them.
EDYE: And Devin has two sons now, one is here and the other is down south. I wish I could see them more often. I worry about them a lot too.
MOM: It’s good that you love them with all your heart, but don’t let them be your burden either. Let Devin be the parent. All you can do is give advice when asked and offer support. But don’t let your sons’ responsibilities be your cross to bear.
EDYE: I’m learning that.
MOM: By the way, I wanted to thank you for giving me the chance to be a “gwanny”.
EDYE: I’m so glad we shared that together. I know that sounds sappy, but hey…
MOM: No, you know I like sappy – especially when it comes from you.
EDYE: Remember, When I was nursing Devin in my room and you came in all quiet-like.
MOM: I think so…
EDYE: You told me that I was a good mother. You were dead serious.
MOM: I meant that.
EDYE: Mom, that set the tone for me. When I got your approval, nobody could tell me different. I dedicated my life to being a good mom. I wanted to continue to live up to your expectations.
MOM: I’m not sure I lived up to your expectations, baby.
EDYE: You were a good mother too. We all have our issues. You did the best you could. And I’m grateful – not hateful.
MOM: Aw Edye… I’m sorry I couldn’t stick around long enough to see my little Squeak turn a year old. And Kai never got to see me in the flesh...
EDYE: I really hate that.
MOM: I would have helped you out, you know.
EDYE: I know. I know you would have, Mom. Are you feeling guilty? ‘Cause I didn’t know they had guilt trips in Heaven.
MOM: No, no guilt, baby. Just love. Pure love. I’m happy you and Darryl are still together. Cause you can be a trip.
EDYE: He can be a trip too, Mom [lol].
MOM: Well, you made a wise choice. I’m happy you both carved out a good life together. I want you to recognize your blessings, baby. They are all around you. I know virtually our entire family is here with me and not in the flesh with you. But this life was meant for you to live independently and abundantly. Sometimes that’s the only way you can appreciate it. Just know that I am here and we can talk any time you feel like it. Got it, my Little One?
EDYE: Got it. Wow, I haven’t heard you say Little One in so long, Ma.
MOM: You’ll always be my Little One. I don’t care if you’re older than me or a grandma.
EDYE: I love you, Mama. Love you…love you….
MOM: How’s your neck?
EDYE: It’s better.
MOM: Good. We’ll talk soon.
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