Can tough love be too tough?

Every now and then I share different disciplining techniques and ask for feedback from my readers. In this video a father disciplines his son for acting up in school and disrespecting his grandmother. Do you think this was appropriate or over the top? How would you handle the situation? Is this father raising hell or raising his son well?

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    I think the botched haircut was a little much. I grew up with getting butt whippings, which made me think before doing something wrong. I had to go home to my dad-Calvin Hughes, which wasn't a pleasant experience. Having the kid do exercises is a good thing, it will help keep him in shape especially with so many over weight kids today. I'm glad to see a dad taking an interest in his son and his behavior. Teaching him to respect his teachers, grandmother and his dad is a great thing. Need more young dads to step it up!

  • In reply to Darryl Hughes:

    It's pretty tough love no doubt. I thought it was a bit much. But I'm sure the boy won't forget it.

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    In reply to Darryl Hughes:

    I really think you are out of touch with good parenting skills. You treat another human being like this and you will land in jail. You do an animal like that it is considered cruelty to animals. It does not take a beaten and cussing to get results. Exercise is good when a kid is having fun. Not when he just got his ass beat like he killed somebody. The kid laughed in school. So what! The father and grandma need to be jacked up and the child taken away.

  • Aw, he calls him sir! Sweet.

    The language was bad, but I see where the dad (?) is coming from.

    Yikes, the hair cutting is pretty extreme though. I have girls so it's a different story. They'd be traumatized.

  • The dad is doing the best he can, based on his parenting skills. I do believe he may be teaching some unintended lessons, such as, use bruteforce on people smaller and weaker than you, to get them to do what you want.

    I hope the child lives in a loving home, with good role models. The do as I say and not as I do, never works. Why is the child living with the grandmother and not his dad? Where is the mother? Why video games are what the dad considers to be fun time for both of them, at that age? What else do they do together as fun? Home work, perhaps?

    Is the child involved in martial arts, swimming or music and other activities that provide him with skills that his friends can admire? Perhaps that would cut down on his desire to get attention by being a class clown.

    Parents need to be careful about using methods that worked years ago on kids today. Sometimes things work out because irrespective the archaic methods of parenting, children realize the parent loves them and only want the best for them, but sometimes it doesn't work. What happens when you can't beat them anymore?

    There is a thin line between respect and fear. The father needs to teach his son to respect him, not just fear him. What happens when the son gets big enough and is able to punch down the father?

    I think the exercise punishment is a better way to go and definitely no expletives. That was in poor taste and unnecessary.

  • I didn't hear anything about him apologizing to his grandmother or his teacher for his disruptive behavior. What I did hear was foul language. When the child turns around and uses those words, he'll be in for another ass whoopin'.

    The exercise was a good thing in my opinion. I think having to apologize to his teacher infront of his class would have gone farther than the bad haircut.

  • I'd like to know how he behaved the next day!

  • He's standing over the boy with a belt around his neck, later he implies that his son is trying to impress the girls, "or is it the boys?" essentially sexualizing, a pre-teen. Then, most importantly, he BEATS him, insults him, then demeans him. Then the "workout?" This is sickening. There's no love or guidance at all, just abuse.

    You offer some telling statistics at the beginning of the video. Here's some more:

    The 10 states having the highest school-paddling rates are the same 10 states with the highest prison-incarceration rates.

    Harvard Medical School professor Alvin Poussaint, a psychiatrist who has written extensively on African-American issues, points out that 80 to 90 percent of black prison inmates were severely punished or neglected as children. He also says the more that children are beaten, the angrier they get and the more likely they are to use violence in responding to problems and frustrations.

    The Society for Adolescent Medicine has found that victims of corporal punishment often develop "deteriorating peer relationships, difficulty with concentration, lowered school achievement, antisocial behavior, intense dislike of authority, somatic complaints, a tendency for school avoidance and school drop-out, and other evidence of negative high-risk adolescent behavior.

    This isn't teaching respect, it's instilling fear and anger, and maybe much worse.

    If you do this to your own kids it's supposed to be discipline, but if you do this to someone else's you'd go to jail; what does that tell you about this kind of "parenting?"

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    In reply to shadow8:

    My father did the same thing. He did not prolong the whipping by intimidation tactics. He just did it. I to this day hate him for hitting me with a belt.

  • I would resent being treated like that.

    I think that you can probably place yourself in the shoes of the child and imagine how he felt, and what he might feel like in the future.

  • Your comments have been very enlightening. Everyone has their own parenting techniques. Some parents believe in spankings, some do not. But I feel that discipline coupled with respect for the child is very important. The two can go hand in hand. In my opinion, the father, though well intentioned, failed to discipline the boy with respect. I'm sure he loves him, but love seemed absent. If you want to call this tough love, fine. I think it was too tough. Too rough. The hair cut was humiliating. The fact that he YouTubed it for the world to see was horrifying and humiliating. The punishment did not fit the "crime". There should have been apologies given. And forgiveness shown by those who accepted his apologies. I 'm not totally against old school discipline. I think a mixture of old and new is in order. The one good thing is that the father did take responsibility as a father. I hope he gives just as much love, encouragement and positive reinforcement to his son as he does punishment.

  • I have seen worst, i believe in speaking to the children as i speak to anyone face to face, eye to eye, no cursing if possible, and truly agree that it still takes a village to raise the children the thing is how do we get our villages back ?

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