Have you ever told someone, “Well, as long as you’re happy... “ when you know whatever they’re doing or plan to do is dumb as hell? Over the last year, I BECAME that friend.. Don’t be that friend. This post is dedicated strictly to my ladies because I find that men have absolutely no problem telling their guys that they’re doing something ridiculously dumb. Ladies on the other hand, is a completely different story. You see that your homegirl is happy and you don’t want to be the one to rain on her parade. But maybe you should be the one to do just that, and by “that” I mean prepare her for the possible consequences of her actions.
In my experience, I’ve found that, people come to me when they want the stone-cold truth. I’m usually the one to serve it up nice, cold, and raw. Yet, over the last year, I’ve been a complete pacifist (So I feel like I’m credible to speak from both sides) . I felt like because I was extremely happy, then my friend (or whoever came to me with a problem) deserved to be happy just as well. Big Mistake. Why you ask? Well because all of my initial concerns about the presented situation, came to pass at some point or another. And to some small extent, I hold myself accountable for not being there to warn them of the possible outcomes. Of course, I’m not beating myself up about it, but I do feel like I could’ve helped avoid the fiasco in its entirety or soften the blow a little.. Truth of the matter is, I didn’t want my realest outlooks on situations to be equated to pessimism or negativity. Sometimes forewarning someone of what could possibly (most likely) happen will have them looking at you sideways. “Why can’t you just be happy for me?”, “Why would you say that?” , “Well I don’t think that would happen.”... Skkrrrrrtttt. PUMP THE BRAKES. I need to address all parties here. And by all parties, I mean the Pacifist, The realest and the friend.
First up, is the Pacifist. GIRL… if you don’t tell that woman what you really think of the situation, you better! Don’t be afraid to tell her that you think she’s writing a check her ass can’t cash. She NEEDS to hear that, and she needs to hear it from YOU. If you’re ALWAYS a pacifist, be real with yourself. She comes to you for your opinion on these dumb ass situations because she expects you to side with her. “Well girl, if you like it, I love it.”, “As long as you’re happy boo.” PLOT TWIST … don’t end your statement right there, FINISH STRONG. “Well girl, if you like it I love it , but I don’t think that's a good idea.” Or “I don’t think that’s smart and here’s why.” That’s definitely a wig snatcher. She came to you for a co-signer and you kept it real. She’s gonna take that advice into absolute consideration. TRUST ME. You’re helping her, not hurting her. Just make sure you’re genuine in your advice and everything should go over smoothly.
Next, the Realest (I’m addressing this to myself) , SOFTEN YOUR DELIVERY. Okay, yeah, they came to you to keep it real but you don’t have to rip them a new one. In order not to come off as a negative Nancy or a pessimist Pamela, don’t just tell them they’re tweaking (lunchin, loafin , kirkin or whatever slang you use) but explain why. It may be painstakingly obvious to you why you think it’s terrible idea but apparently, it’s not that obvious to them. And while you’re offering advice, you should also help them think of alternatives. Don’t just drop the mic and walk off the stage. Do a mic check & tell her what you would do in that situation. And do it nicely, please and thank you.
Lastly.. .Friend. Yeah, you girl. Why the hell & how the hell do you keep getting yourself in these fucked up situations?! And why do you keep putting your friends between a rock & a hard place by asking them their opinion on this foolishness? Apparently you knew it was some sort of tomfoolery to it, OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T BE ASKING FOR ADVICE, AMIRITE?! Sorry, I’ll lower my tone but I’m truly exasperated by you, babygirl. You need to start thinking these things through before you bring it to someone else’s attention. That way, when your faced with opposition, you won’t get so offended by it. Its called weighing the pros & cons. You should try it sometimes, it could help you avoid heartbreak, pain, and disappointment. And please, learn to recognize the difference between criticism and constructive criticism. That way you can easily separate the Pessimist Pamelas’ from the “ I Really Just Want What’s Best For You.” Betties.
& that ladies and gentlemen was A WORD. A concept, if you will. ;)