Born today were Mark Twain and Jonathan Swift.
For skewering sarcasm, each had a gift.
Which of them was more profane?
You make the call. Was it Swift or Mark Twain?
Swift and Twain: A Table Talk:
Swift: And he gave it for his opinion, "that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together.
Twain: Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reasons.
Swift: We have enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.
Twain: Man is kind enough when he is not excited by religion.
Swift: Principally, I hate and detest that animal called man, although I heartily love John, Peter, Thomas, and so forth.
Twain: What is man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Swift: A soldier is a "Yahoo" hired to kill in cold blood as many of his own species who have never offended him, as possibly he can.
Twain: Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out... and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel.... And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man" - with his mouth.