Born today was Ambrose Bierce,
Gilded Ager whose opinions were fierce.*
Sometimes society's ills need a clinic
From someone like Ambrose: a self-proclaimed cynic.
*A sampling of Bierceisms:
1. MIND: a mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
2. TRUTHFUL: Dumb and illiterate.
3. MAN: An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
4. FRIENDSHIP: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
5. CHRISTIAN: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
6. LOVE: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
7. PRAY: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
8. APOLOGIZE: To lay the foundation for a future offence
9. POLITICS: Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
10. HAND: A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.