Romney Addresses the Nation on Talk Like Shakespeare Day

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Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all. If I talk a little wild, forgive me. I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts; I am no orator.I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth, action nor utterance, nor the power of speech to stir men's blood.

Some say I have an itching palm. I have as much of this in art as you. Why do you bend such solemn brows on me? Who chooseth me shall gain what many men desire. Yea, I will not jump with common spirits and rank me with the barbarous multitudes.

This comes too near the praising of myself, therefore no more of it. Yet I am not bound to please thee with my answers.

The middle of humanity I never knewest, just the extremity of the highest end. I am a gentleman. I do admit the leveraged buyout was my vocation. 'Tis no sin for a man to labour in his vocation. I'll never sound the very bass string of humility.

Methinks, ye know, that land now is as cheap as stinking mackerel.  The doomsday of the deficit is near.  Why should Obama's name be sounded more than mine? Write them together, mine is as fair a name. sound them, it doth become the mouth as well. Weigh them, it is as heavy. Conjure with 'em, 'Romney' will start a  spirit as soon as 'Obama' .

He reads too much. He thinks too much. Such men are dangerous.  Vote for me!  And fortune shall cull forth out of one side her happy minion to whom in favour she shall give the day. And kiss me with a glorious victory.

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