You're clicking. You're staring. You're clicking. You're staring. You're clicking. You're NOT BLINKING. You're clicking (is that a bead of sweat that just sprouted on your forehead?) You're clicking. You're now sweating (that was a sweat bead!) You're still clicking somehow even though your body is in a rigor mortis type state. ENOUGH!
Today's topic is a serious issue that cannot go unnoticed: To stalk, or to block, that is the question.
Some people have past relationships, flings, friends, that they just love to loathe. Maybe you want to know what the people no longer in your life are up to, genuinely hoping they're happy (unlikely) or your making sure your ex's new girl has smaller boobs and a rattier hair than you. (Like, ew. Do you see what she's wearing?) Regardless, the online creep is one of America's favorite pastimes, but it does more harm than good.
a) Forces you to compare yourself to others
b) Has a tendency to make you become more judgmental
c) Makes you assume things (and we all know when you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME!)
d) Wastes your time
e) Is pathetic and in some cases illegal
So you miss the great times you and Ol' Yankee Doodle had together, those moments walking hand in hand were nothing short of solitude! "How could he end things! I miss him and can't live without him!" You scream to you girls as you play Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love."
"Let me just go on your page real quick" you say.
Suddenly you find yourself surrounded in a pile red Starburst wrappers frantically machine gun clicking through friend of a friend of a friend of some rando's 2007 summer trip to Palm Springs album just to see who Doodles been chilling with. And none of your friends are in sight, you didn't even notice them leave... Le Sigh.
Tears start flowing, you're mad, you're sad, you're vulnerable and volatile. But the creep still continues to creep!
This is a problem. Give your fingers a rest, you have an indent dangerously close to being permanent forming on your thumbs.
You've hurt no one but yourself here. TIME TO BLOCK. And do something of relevance with your time.
If you find yourself feigning for a Level 5 Extreme Creep* and you are in a committed relationship, strongly consider that your significant other is a scumbag and that MAYDAY, that plane is goin' down. Women just know. We're equipped with that 6 sense, its like... engraved in our being. We just sense danger and Instagram likes.
If you have that inclination and are in a committed relationship, definitely scope out the social media scene, but know that it probably won't end well.
Respect yourself to not reach Level 5 Extreme Creep mode if necessary. It's a scary level of creeptastic.
* Level 5 Extreme Creep- using friend's accounts to spy on others because you are blocked because it's likely you are a stage 5 clinger.
Sometimes though, it just feels a little less dark-basement-cyber-stalker-on-a-95-windows-computer-surrounded-by-spider-webs and a little more like Charlie's Angels when you stalk with a few close friends.
There's just something about being able to creep with a friend, whether its the continuous hitting of arms when you find some gossip or you're excessive breathing on each other just to be able to see EVERYTHING IN LINE OF VISION on the screen, the experience is so... bonding.
Bottom line it doesn't make it less creepy.
Often times the influence of the buddies can bring out the always hauntingly disturbing: Level 6 Ultimate Creep. It's a level so dark that the creepers don't even know the true evilness that corrupts them. These people will stop at nothing, password hacking, email reading, bank statement analyzing, white paging, Google earthing, and the crowd favorite: THE DRIVE BY. The list goes on. Thing is, Level 6ers are usually sane, smart, sophisticated young women, until some freak ex rewired their brain so it seems. It is possible to get back to sanity though, hope is not lost! Once you reach Level 6 it's truly time to evaluate. Is what you're doing worth it? Would the other person be doing the same to you? Probably not. Do you enjoy finding out that your ex and his new dime piece are killing it in their new condo, decorating with throw pillows and hosting mature housewarming parties, all while your mascara is running and you're stuffing Cheetos down your throat!? NO! Pull it together, sister! You're better than that! BLOCK.
Like I stated before, girls have good intuition and possess CIA like skills. I actually have a certain level of creep in me, the force could benefit from having me on staff probably, but I prefer only using my talents only for good. Like helping find missing children, or seeing if that hottie across the hall is single so you can make a move.
Do yourself a favor. Lose the rose colored glasses that romanticize past relationships that were actually not that great to begin with, and put on your stunner shades and find that inner self respect. Step away from their page and look to your own and start writing the rest of your beautiful life.
LIKE Pure Lyndsanity // @LyndsayMeyer / @Pure_Lyndsanity