Miley Cyrus is Boring

Miley Cyrus is Boring


Long gone are the days of 3 iconic pop stars swapping spit on stage and having parents and girl scout leaders alike around the country up in arms. The kissing of the 2003 VMAs has now been catapulted into the category of "tasteful" for once in its career, comparing figuratively to the performance of Miss Hannah Montana. Considering everyone and their mom is commenting on Miley Cyrus' "performance" last Sunday at the MTV VMAs, I figured I'd weigh in. Lyndsanity style.

We watch the VMAs for entertainment value, a distraction from the outside world, a sense of escapism, and of course, to gossip about what went down the next day. It's no secret that Miley Cyrus was the most talked about performance of the evening, despite N*SYNC's epic reunion and JT killing it (as expected), Miley was racking in about 306.000 tweets per minute. More than the blackout or Superbowl. All publicity is good publicity I suppose.

Unless you hump a foam finger wearing a latex two piece.


Miley struts around the stage in a furry leotard, with what looks like a demented Chuck E. Cheese character ironed on by her mother, and possibly Sheer Energy nylons and platforms gym shoes. Backup dancers sported life size teddy bear backpacks and she had a few people twerking on the wings of the stage the whole time. Whatever. She has somewhat of a program concept that connects to the content of the song. This could work.


And then that's about where the credit stops. She continues to strut around the stage, sticking her tongue out, and prove shes the hostess with the mostest. (It's her party she can do what she wants!) If Miley did something other then shake her noodle body around and try to make out with Robin Thicke (his mother wasn't all too pleased with the risque performance) then maybe the public wouldn't be so.... freaked the fuck out.  BTW Miles, Stop trying to make sticking your tongue out happen, it's not going to happen.


She reminded me of a freshman girl trying to impress the senior guys acting like a 2 beer queer and humping her girls in a tacky basement party. Or something. Like if we wanted to see this first hand, we could just walk into the local school and check out a school dance. Probably what goes down these days. Kids be watchin too much damn MTV!  What we witnessed was merely an act of a young performer wanting to prove herself as an adult in this ever changing industry. She's had a few scandals here and there from "oversexualization" of a young girl in Vanity Fair to using a pole as a prop in a Party in the USA performance. She's not squeaky clean to begin with but this takes it to another level! What it looked like was an attempt to show she's still fun and living it up as a 20 year old, with the exception of doing anything of relevance. You're not the first kid to grow up Miley, this rebellion against the Disney kiddie image and into this teenage sexualized rebellion "I-think-I'm-mature-now-even-though-I'm-actually-not" stage isn't anything new. Not innovative, not entertaining, not much of anything. Keep it movin. We didn't see Lizzie McGuire humping stuffed animals on stage. You don't have to either Hannah!


When Britney donned her nude unitard in 2000,  (rhinestone encrusted +50points), people were shocked. BUT she did something. She put on a show. She had choreography. Britney wasn't wasting people's time, which is kind of what Miley's performance felt like. There wasn't much of a show here.  What did Miley even do in rehearsals? "Come here LaQuonda, lets run the over size ass grab one more time?" I bet the sound check guys were pissed.

5, 6, 7, 8!


Is Miley's "outlandish" behavior because of bad parenting? Maybe, maybe not. The strictest parents usually have the most wild kids, so who knows.  Either way, this once happened:




There are so many insanely talented people in this world and the fact we spent 7 minutes on her is beyond. And IF the American government and higher powers that be in the music industry want to brainwash the masses, than maybe pass along those subliminals with something masked with a little more depth, entertainment value, passion, a little less fuckery, if you will. This isn't working for me. Can we hold a casting call for America's newest puppet? We can make a reality show out of it!



Overall Miley's VMA performance fell flat. Like her ass. Ba da bum. (hold the bum)... ok. I'm done.


Wait. Is she still engaged to Liam? What's that dime piece up to these days?



Oh... and if that performance wasn't enough to piss you off, maybe this will.



via @MileyCyrus 2 days ago



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