Beach season is finally upon us people! Us Chicagoans can brush off our old speedos and do away with the snow suits - for now.
When the weather heats up, Chitown basically loses their shit. Patio day drinking and rooftop pools become priority and people just generally become even more batshit crazy than normal. Everyone is outside, and you wanna make sure your looking on point. Bathing suits that fit properly are part of looking and feeling your absolute best this season. Lets check the charts. Ladies, if you are:
Small chested - Bandeaus are amazing. They are some of the cutest suits in the game in my opinion. Victoria's Secret has great ones with embellishments and funky patterns that will make you look like you're not a 12 year old boy. Revel in the bandeau my small chested friends!
Big chested - triangle halters are pretty standard to keep the chicas contained. Make sure the string is actually doing justice and raising them up, because "drop it like its hot" doesn't apply to everything in life. Bandeaus are a no-go, unless you have the grace of a plastic surgeon who created your chest/gave them the defy gravity effect, which God apparently forgot to give to us big titted civilians.
Small booty - get some oomph in those legs with a bright color or loud pattern. Working with loud prints will give the effect that you could twerk at any moment if need be and not look like a gyrating piece of string cheese- or just look like you got a little junk in the trunk!
Big booty - sticking with darker solids or quieter prints will not draw as much attention (if that's what you are going for.) If you can work it, opt for a cheeky/Brazilian cut, it looks better than the "I just shit my pants diaper effect" that some suits create. Boom boom pow!
Victoria Secret and the store Everything But Water are known for their cute suits but can be a bit pricey. For a cheaper option, try Target. They always have a variety of styles for affordable prices.
Anyone - board shirts are the standard go-to. Get one where the netting doesn't get all jacked up when you swim if you go that route. Other than that, just get a fun print you love and work it out. If you want to rock a Speedo/short shorts and flash that bronze leathery skin, by all means flash it!
White- it'll make us look like bronze gods and goddess, but make damn sure it's double lined, because after we get out of the water it's definitely not our strut that people are awing at. Be careful even with the double lining, you've been warned.
Intricate one pieces - If you're at your suburban neighborhood pool with your local 5 year olds, it's probably not the best time to break out the cut outs and wedges. I like them though, just at the right time and place. (in my opinion.) Also, just because it's a one piece doesn't mean it's your standard lifeguard onsie, they are typically revealing.
High waisted - of course everyones gonna feel like a 1940s sex pot when they pop this on, but just make sure you'll feel like that the rest of your day.
Borat - If you're with your friends and feel comfortable baywatching in the infamous Borat onsie, I say do it. If you are on a family lake house trip in Wisconsin, I say don't.
Thongs - If you wanna do it, do it big! I guess. I don't see too much thongage in Chicago/ north ave beach, but we'll see this summer. To each their own. This is an actual photo my friend sent me from South Beach, Miami...
In whatever you step out in this summer, confidence is key! Feel good, have fun! It's all about inner peace, self contentment, and enjoying life. Cheers!
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