I am thrilled to be joining Carrie Goldman's Portrait of an Adoption blog each week. I hope to add my perspective on pursuing motherhood as a single person -- and possibly inspire a few of you who may be grappling with that question so many of us "career woman" face: 'How long do I wait for Mr. Right? And, yes I will try my best to answer the adoption questions I hear so often, including the most recent: Why can't you just go to Haiti and bring one of those cute babies home?
I am 41, have my own small business and would really like to be a mother. I dearly love Otto, my adorable cockapoo, and my cadre of nieces, nephews and friends' children who call me, Auntie. But something is still missing for me.
I've never been a mathematician, but if my calculations are right, I am 10 months pregnant, give or take a few days. This pregnancy isn't typical - I've had my fair share of red wine, have even lost weight, dated guys and even experienced a few heartbreaks.
While many of my pregnant friends walk around huffing and puffing, talking about decorating baby rooms and how they feel so fat, I walk around thinking about the baby in my head. My "pregnancy" is often hidden from the public; many of my clients don't even know and some of my friends forget to ask.
I am in the process of adopting a baby from Nepal. Throughout this adventure I didn't feel like vomiting or experience those crazy cravings at night. And although I couldn't feel a baby kicking in my belly, one was growing in my heart more than I could have ever imagined. I fell in love with her long before I met her.
I never in a million years thought I would be in this place. I, like many women my age, want to be married. I assumed I would have found Mr. Right and I'd be car pooling my four kids to and from soccer practice. I was the babysitter. I remember taking my little sisters shopping and pretending they were my own. It was just supposed to happen, right?
There is one thing that has remained consistent throughout - my unwavering decision to simultaneously pursue having a child on my own and to meet that special someone.
It was March 2009 when my dossier hit the desks of the Ministry of Women and Children in Nepal. But nearly one year later, I am still not sure what she will look like or what color she will be or even when I will meet her. Unlike a pregnancy, the process of adoption is a leap of faith and the timeframe is completely unknown - in many cases, years.
This hasn't been easy for me, to say the least. Did I mention that I am the type of person who dreams of making it through a yoga class without thinking about work or feeling obligated to sneak a quick glimpse of my watch while doing the downward facing dog?? I am working on that among other things.
Filed under: singles and adoption