The same environmental factors that often contribute to a woman's post-partum depression can contribute to post adoption baby blues. I recall that several weeks after Katie came home, I started to feel anxious and edgy as each new day dawned.
The number one problem was that I was isolated. I was not in a new mom's group through the hospital, because I had not given birth to Katie. Nor was I in the La Leche League because Katie only drank formula. My mother-in-law worked full time; my parents were in Tampa; most of my friends were busy with their careers.
I spent every day alone in my condo with Katie waiting for Andrew to come home from work. I did not have a support network in place. The weather was bleak as it can only be in Chicago in January, and we were stuck indoors. I craved sunshine and green plants, surrounded instead by the gray glove of winter, its frozen fingers strangling me.
I was having a bit of an identity crisis. I used to wear a suit every day and ride the train and have a purpose. After adopting Katie, I spent the day changing diapers and getting to know my beautiful new baby. But I missed talking to other adults. I started taking Katie to a Mommy and Baby yoga class, but it did not fill the void.
I quickly learned that when you put a bunch of new moms and babies in a
room together, the moms all talk about their pregnancies, labor,
deliveries and the difficulties of establishing breastfeeding, much of which does not apply to adoptive moms.
So, in my first yoga class, the other moms chattered about episiotomies and
c-sections and leaking boobs, and I felt sad and isolated. I
swallowed against a lump in my throat and snuggled Katie close. She and I were alone together.
As I nuzzled her fuzzy little head, I realized that there would be times in her life when Katie would also have this feeling of being different from other people because of her adoption, and I wanted to remember this feeling so I could understand her future emotions better. I promised myself that I would always ask her about her feelings and create an environment where she could express herself freely.
In time, I
developed a schedule and the baby blues eased. I exercised regularly,
took care of myself, and reached out to other moms at the park, the
library and Gymboree classes. Within a few months, I developed my own
terrific network of friends.
Reflecting on those early weeks, I see that
I was unprepared for the possibility of having the baby blues. I
thought that only happened when a woman gave birth. Although much of
post-partum depression is hormonal in nature, there is an environmental
component, which can have a baby-blues effect on unsuspecting adoptive
parents.
In my experience, the post-adoption baby blues can largely be avoided or
lessened in the same way that traditional post-partum baby blues can be
prevented:
- Establish a support network early, ideally lining one up before baby comes home
- Avoid an isolating environment
- Develop a schedule that includes exercise and time for yourself
- Reach out to other new parents by joining classes or going to parks and libraries.
- Ask for help when you need it
Filed under: post adoption blues, post-partum depression
This was very interesting. I had never heard of an adoptive Mom having baby blues. Have you read of any other accounts of this happening?