Letter to my father Bill Adkins "go to hell"

Letter to my father Bill Adkins "go to hell"

There are times in life when you need to speak up, voice an opinion or just let it all out. This is one of those moments. I find myself at a crossroad, where the past and the present seem to meet and it is not a place I wish to be. Born in Memphis, Tennessee the illegitimate daughter of married pastor Bill Adkins, my life was nothing but controversy. I grew up in an upper middle class family that happened to be five blocks from my father's church. He never visited, but I always knew he was there. At six years old I received a cease and desist order addressed to my mother for me to stop trying to communicate with him. At eight, he visited my elementary school but never approached me and merely watched from the shadows. By age ten, I was a figment of my own imagination. I didn't exist, my last name was a lie and all records of me were buried in a black hole.

I learned to cope due to a wonderful mother and extended family who always made me smile. I never wanted or went without anything, even a pair of designer Salvatore Ferrragamo heels for my 13th birthday. I had a good childhood, but the lies kept piling upon one after another.

As I reached into my teens my face became the exact image of a man I never knew. I met other illegitimate siblings whose stories were all the same. Rumors spread and I became a topic at dinner parties and for bored housewives. I never wanted the attention, only to be a part of his life. To have a dad like everyone else, and like any child, to have a father's love.

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Like any privileged southern girl at 17 I became a debutante. It was the highest and oldest tradition in Memphis. It was something I had always looked forward to and squealed with joy at the mere thought of wearing that huge white ballgown. At our debutante orientation brunch I realized how cruel fate was and that this was another chapter in my story.

I can recall the exact moment when I screamed and fear took ahold of my face. The moment where I turned to my mother and begged, "I don't want to do this, please let's go home." But my mother was firm and stood her ground. A woman who fought five years in court to earn me my last name from a frivolous paternity suit that stated I was 99.9% his child. A woman who endured the mocking grins, laughter and rage from an affair that produced me. But she had waited 17 years for this day, and dare I say, she even knew it was coming.

My stepmother walked into the room holding the hand of my half-sister, Taihia Adkins. Taihia is the same age as me and knew nothing of my existence but at the same time she knew nothing of hers. She was also the daughter of an affair. An act covered up and made to look like an adoption, but that was not the truth. The adoption was due to Bill's first wife, known lovingly as "Big Tai", could  never have kids. I felt sadness looking into her eyes because we were in many ways the exact same.

After a few debutante outings, I felt the courage to tell her who I was. Needless to say, it was a disaster. "I've heard about people like you, going around making up these stories," she said. But it wasn't a story, it was a fact and I had proof. Three of the debutantes attended the same elementary school as me, and all recalled a man always visiting me, always watching us. Bill even went so far as to throw my class a pizza party in third grade. That was the catalyst due to they all remembered even in greater detail than myself.

Throughout  the months leading up to my debutante cotillion my sister learned of the truth and she hated me for it. My father happily escorted her the night of our cotillion while I was left with a bumbling stepfather. But that is another story. After the cotillion, I've never seen my sister to this day.

I did not see Bill again until 2009. I was 29 and had come to accept my situation. Bill and I have a lot of similarities I hear, from the taste for expensive cognac to the smooth draw of Cuban cigars. And upon one of my visits back to Memphis that is exactly where I met him.

Across the street from the old historic Peabody hotel smoking a cigar with a glass of cognac in hand . At first I was shocked to see him but I had prepared for this moment my entire life and knew that I would never get this chance again. As he walked around the shop and bought his cigar, my hands began to tremble. Words would not leave my mouth and I was at that moment seven all over again. As he began to exit the shop I realized my chance was almost gone and I had to do something quick. I started to run towards him, but his armed bodyguard saw me and reached for his gun. I slid to a halt and knew the only thing I could do was yell, so I did. "I forgive you," I shouted. He nodded. That was my only acknowledgement I have ever received.

As I write this I know people will say I did the right thing. That as a good Christian it is best to forgive and forget. Well, I don't follow those same beliefs anymore. A child should never have to fight for something they have no control over. A fight where the innocent were shunned and mocked.

Am I bitter? Yes. A man of the cloth preaching to his flock how to live and walk the path of God yet having several children outside of marriage and never righting his wrongs is despicable to me. Living day after day full of lies and hiding your past for a manufactured image to appease your followers.  I wonder how does he even live with himself sometimes. But as he claims to walk the path of righteousness yet steadily head in the opposite direction. All I can do is let go and move. That is his road, not mine. I can no more make someone love me or be a father. That part of my life is gone. And I have grieved and suffered.

I know that I am blessed to have a loving and beautiful family that has always encouraged me and supports me and hopefully one day I will get over this and be at peace. Maybe one day I'll even wake up and the pain will be gone.

But does Bill still preach? Yes.

Will I ever be acknowledged. No.

So to a man who is a stranger and yet my father I say this: "Go to hell."  But, he's already there, isn't he?

 

Bill Adkins is the founder and pastor of Greater Imani Chruch located in Memphis, TN.

*The statements made here are not from ChicagoNow but by LaShonda Matlock.*

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  • fb_avatar

    I applaud you (with all my heart) for having the courage to write this piece. Very odd that your biological father had an armed bodyguard...to me, that said it all. It showed me (more than anything else you wrote) the kind of man he is. A man of the cloth should not require an armed body guard. He should welcome any approach while in public. He should view this as an opportunity to meet and mingle with his flock or perhaps to convert someone. The fact that he prohibits interaction with those he apparently deems "unfit" to share his space, tells me that he is in it for the money and social standing. Not for the glory of God. While nothing can erase the pain, at least you can be thankful that he wasn't more of an influence on you while you were growing up...it doesn't sound to me as if he would have been a very good influence - at all. I hope you find the peace you are seeking and thank you again for sharing this with all of us.

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    In reply to Sue Harviel:

    When I read this story tears came to my eyes because I share this pain ,never knew my father and when someone told me that I needed to just get over it and when I thought that I could talk to someone in my family they told me to stop talking to them about my drama ,she was not qualified to help me ,that hurt me deeply . TDJAKES once said how can you get over your pain if you don't talk about it ,how can you begin to heal . When there is unspoken words there is unspoken pain . No one should ever go through life feeling empty because of someone else's mother or father's selfishness . I myself find strength in knowing I will never repeat this cycle with my children on what I missed as a child , I love them both with all my heart and soul ,no one else's pain should ever become yours. I pray this this beautiful young lady continues to be strong ,trust me when I say his day will come

  • In reply to Sue Harviel:

    I agree with everything you said except that you think a popular preacher doesn’t need a bodyguard. Yeah, they do. This is 2013 and the level of “crazy” has reached exponential levels. I’m not even famous and sometimes I feel like I need a bodyguard.

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    Wow, that's my pastor, I guess you live and learn.....

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    This is a heartbreaking, yet heartwarming story. I can feel your pain that you have expressed and continue to live with, it's very unfortunate. But I have to say it is heartwarming to hear of your family support and your strength to pull through such agonizing life consequences. I want to thank you for writing this letter. I just took the time to pray for you and I hope the message of the cost on inappropriate behavior penetrates the minds of all those who read this. There is no reason for any man, (especially a man who is suppose to represent Christ!) to abandon his child. I do know your father, not personally, but I am from the area. What he has done is a shame, but you, you are not a shame. You are wonderfully and fearfully made. You see we have the ability to procreate/reproduce, but I AM SO GLAD - God takes over once you are in the mother's womb. He doesn't care how you were conceived, he puts a stamp of approval on you that no devil in or from hell can take from you. He gives you life by placing a roadmap of your destiny in your heart. I am truly blessed by this. Please understand that no man should do to you what he has done; married or not. A child is too precious of a gift. Keep sharing your message and you will help single and married individuals understand the pain associated with bringing God's most precious gift (a child) into a world when you have no intentions of being the mother or father you should be.

  • Wow! As a fellow Memphian, I had repeatedly heard things similar to your story regarding "Pastor" Adkins, and was pretty certain things would be revealed in due time if they were in deed true...can't say I'm shocked but I'm disappointed in the way things were handled on his part. Nothing can justify such actions and he will have some explaining to do on his judgement day. Many blessings to you however, for remaining strong and being open about things that would shame most others. Glad to see that you are an overcomer and have become a bright, successful young woman in spite of this obstacle. Keep going and moving forward! God's got you! : )

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    I am so glad she was able to say what she felt. I have never had any respect for this man . I am orginally from Memphis now living in Philadelphia and I think he is and always will be and arrogant and selfish man. Funny how he has always said he was a strong brother, I find this to be very sad and I find that the mother of a son that his wife should have stood strong in correcting him to being the best father he could be. I pray that you find peace and God got a better play for you. Humble your heart and continue to rea the word he is just a man. Be blessed

  • Wow LaShonda....that was bitter-sweet and I can't imagine how that feels as my dad was always there for us. I know you mom personally and haven't seen you since you were a Jr. Pro cheerleader. I am Kathleen M. sister one whom has always loved your mom down through the years. I'm sad for you growing up with this type fatherless pain, but it's nice to know that you can keep moving because some people let it tear them up abruptly.....God bless you and your endeavors...Love, VeeVee

  • I read your story and I can relate to some of the same things my father wasn't really a father to me he was in and out my life he always lied and my mom use to tell me stop calling and trying to talk to him he not doing the same but it hurted because I didn't understand why he was doing all that and to this day I still don't all I ask was for his time and didn't but as time goes on I forgive him I still think about it but I have to let it go because it only hurt me not him

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    So sad, but you will make it in spite of what this baby-daddy did or didn't do. He has to face God for this, and believe me, God won't be happy to see him. What's sadder is the fact that many people feel their own pastors are immune from such Godless behavior. I just found out some terrible things exactly like this and more that my pastor did when I lived away in CHI 13 years. I can understand now that I'm grown that while he can preach and sing, this man has never been saved. In fact, I've never heard his testimony all these years and have evidenced not love, but extreme mental cruelty to people. Just when our church was at its' wit's end, he announced his retirement. I pray God allows you to put so much pain behind you and keep His love in your heart. He is the only father you've ever had or need.

  • I pray healing over your heart mind and soul ...when our earthly father and mothers forsake us The Lord will take us take us in.

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    I can't really say that I know how you feel but I do know about absentee father but I grew to learn about my spiritual Father who has always been present. Im not posting this to say rather you should forgive him or not, im just simply saying that everything happens for a reason and that your being is not invain. Continue to keep your head up. I graduated with your brother from high-school and he is the coolest dude I know. You would be proud of him. I know you probably been following him.

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    I know your half sister Antoinette, the two of you look a lot alike, it would be nice for you two to meet, you also have some beautiful nieces and nephews

  • I can so relate to your story! I had a very similar upbringing....One day I'll write it all out too....You sound like you are doing wonderful things and you sound like a strong woman. God loves you and I always thought that even though I had no "daddy" I had God, the best Father there is. I cherish my family today and do all I can so my girls no me and their dad love them more than the air we breathe. I give them what I didn't have, love.....I hope you are healing. I know the feeling of being "OK" with this kind of stuff comes and goes.....But you sound like you are on the right road! I often think why should I be anything but happy, it is my "dad" who denied, rejected and lied to and about me to people, he is the one who did this to me and he has to live with his guilt.... I was an innocent through and through... I have a free mind and a good, honest heart....My "dad" must have a load of guilt, shame, that he one day will have to face...But not me, and not you! God bless!

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    My brothers father is a Memphis preacher also...Carl Chism he was the owner of Chism Trail supermarket and Maxi foods!!
    My brother went in a coma and lost his eye site..we contacted his father to come an pray for him..suppose to be a man of god ..he never called or came to the hospital.That is sad how these so called men of god do they kids..but judgement day they will have to answer to god!
    Stay strong young lady!!

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    Vengenance is mine said the Lord!!! This story saddens me so because I have visited this church so many times. This man brings the word of God so that it resonates with you for ever. You never know what is in a person's closet.

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    In reply to mstmc:

    Saul was on his way to kill David and God made him testify.........God is all powerful and can use anyone. Take the message, don't mind the messenger but I wouldn't follow such a man....

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    I know preachers are human too & make mistakes but they are also supposed to be leaders . And he dares to try to teach responsibility to the young men in his church. What a bunch of crap!!!

  • wow - powerful story. Why would a pastor need an armed guard? Clearly he knows he's done people wrong!!!

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    I don't understand why this woman would want anyone to go to hell or why she is not as angry at her Mother as she is her Father. My birth father died in prison a murderer and my birth mother a prostitute and drug addict, both were alcoholics. I'm glad to be alive and THAT THEY DIDN'T ABORT ME. Even though the only good thing they ever did for me was give me away at age 4, I don't hate either of them. They're both dead now... they missed having a great daughter. Life isn't fair... unforgiveness is a poison that only hurts you.

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    In reply to Michaela Coogan:

    who are you to judge how she feels...

  • courage, you have got it.

  • Wow. Great piece.

  • Within the african american community especially where we put pastors above the lord himself sometimes thinking they can do no wrong - i pray your tale opens the eyes and hearts of parishioners across the world.

    Its NOT okay for a pastor to have an armed guard. It is NOT okay for a pastor to be fathering children out of wedlock, but under the act of forgiving and kindness - parishioners ALWAYS let their pastors slide....

  • I understand how you feel about your Bio-father not being in your life. Do I belive that your should express yourself and let the anger and hurt out..YES. However, posting it on the internet is the not the way to go because it seems to me as if your trying to find a way to get revenge and you, yourself have to also be held accountible for disrespecting your father even though he may not be the best of what you call a "dad" He is still your father and a man of God. I do not attend his church neither am I a follower. All I'm saying we have to be careful how we handle our emotions, you wanting God to get him...but you got to let go and forgive because being bitter won't profit you anything but health issues....and I'm not only just talking about the fleshly body, I'm refering to you as a whole. Expressing to us how bitter you are is not helping you...we can not do anything for you but say "awwww" its gone be ok...Is that what you want?...have a pity party? This man has gone on with his life but just because you don't see his suffering from the decision that he made don't mean he's not going through nothing for what he has done. Maybe you should try to contact him and if he refuses than ask God to help you move on, get on the alter and ask God to remove the hurt, bitterness and whatever else...Gospel recording artist,Pastor Norman Hutchins went almost through the same thing you went through.He told his Testimony...how he was bitter about his Father neglecting him..he was produced from an affair, his father was a married pastor, and he was working right under his father in the church and did not know it, until around the time his dad past on. But he said when he decided to forgive a man that was dead, God had poured out a blessing over his life. So I say that to say this...you got two choices, either you gone be bitter over your past or become better about your future. God can't do nothing about your past, all you can do is allow him to work on your future...Just pray, let go and let God. I think you should have went to God about how to open up "The can of worms"... blasting him on the internet may not have been the way to go...but I understand that we make rash decision out of anger, thats why its best to do things when we allow anger to cease and have a sound mind. Pray, Let go and Let God. Be Encourage!

  • fb_avatar
    In reply to Ggirl:

    You gats to be joking!!! Disrespecting? Do you read your bible? Obviously not enough....He said to call out those false prophets. "Many will come in my name and deceive many." Call them out!!!! Not secretly, for the world to know. I pray her healing and that she would taste and see the glory of God for herself!

  • fb_avatar
    In reply to Ggirl:

    shut up

  • In reply to Ggirl:

    Girl, bye! Clearly, you've missed a few bZible study session. Dude is fake and will later be singing his shoulda, coulda wouldas. Put that buster a$$ punk on blast!

  • You are one brave young lady. I first read about this over at "the old black church blog." You win! http://theoldblackchurch.blogspot.com/2013/09/jesus-take-wheel-apostel-bill-adkins.html

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    Thank you for sharing. I grew up in a similar situation myself and have experienced much of the anger and bitterness you are speaking about. Seems like a lot of folks skipped the part where you said, "As I write this I know people will say I did the right thing. That as a good Christian it is best to forgive and forget. Well, I don't follow those same beliefs anymore." I used to follow those beliefs too, and no they don't work for me either. To me, the anger and pain is there for a reason, but I am learning and working to open my heart in healing ways all the time, and when it's time for that anger to pass, it will. It's not for anyone else to tell you (or me) that you "need to/have to" forgive him and let this go, because that healing will happen when the time is right for YOU.

    To Ggirl - it's really not your business to be telling anyone that their need to share their experience and emotions is not appropriate or ok, or to judge the writers intentions.

  • fb_avatar

    Our very own Father says, "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8

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    Wow, its so crazy, I have to say I hate seeing children suffer from parents stupidity! First of all, and I must say,it is never a good decision to mess around with a married man, point blank, secondly, whats done in the dark, ALWAYS comes into the light, I dont know wat your dad was thinking but there is no escaping your sins, and to the pretty young lady, keep on pushing, and learn to forgive and forget, because at the end of the day every man will be punished for their sins, from the richest to the poorest! God bless!

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    In reply to Lisa Collins:

    Single men do the same thing.....sin is sin..

  • You are a brave young lady. I have no idea what the pain must be like. I can only imagine. The anger and pain is there for a reason. All people who have been mistreated need to have the wrong done to them acknowledge. He may never acknowledge the pain he has caused you. And you need to protect yourself by asking God to handle the pain your biological father has caused. Your mom is not guilty. No pastor, from his seat of authority, has the right to have sex, even consensual sex, with another woman. But you have to let it go and the only way to do that is to forgive him and give those emotions to God. He is not a man of God, and he relegated himself to sperm donor, not father. I am praying for you because this man has used up to much of your energy. I'm praying he will repent. He does need a bodyguard, to protect him from the people he has hurt.

  • Great story with an honest voice. It's really too bad someone who runs this blog didn't bother to proof-read this and snuff out the typos.

  • In reply to Andy Frye:

    sorry. where are the typos I will correct immediatey

  • Lashonda... I commend you for having the courage to speak out after all these years. I can't say I know how you feel or I have walked in similar shoes, but I do understand what it means to be "Daddy's Girl", and how it defines you. I can only imagine the hole in my heart if I didn't have that at all.
    I applaud your courage, because I understand what it must have taken to write this, and even more, to publish it publicly. Baring your soul to a critical world is a brave thing, and I hope you felt some measure of relief after doing so.
    As for your father...
    A real man owns his actions. Perhaps you will be the catalyst in his life to finally measure up to his calling as a Pastor. Bringing a sinner into the light should be his job, but sometimes the child must teach the parent. You are a gift to him, whether he realizes this yet or not.
    You are a stunning woman with deep strength, and truly I hope and pray that you understand the trials you have suffered could not have been born by any woman who didn't have your strength of character. God gives all of us the trials we can bear, and there are unseen lessons to be learned - our own lessons and sometimes lessons for others. I hope you can see you are a guiding light for many others in similar circumstances.
    I'm praying for you, Lashonda. I'm not a rabid Christian, but I do have a deep faith, and I know you will emerge from all of this with a resolution, life lessons and I hope a return to faith.
    Thank you very much for sharing.

    PS - Don't worry about the typos. You wrote this from your heart. God Bless.

  • fb_avatar

    GOD HAS ALREADY BLESSED YOU,YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT AND I'M SURE YOUR SHARE WILL HELP OTHERS.....AND BILL DON'T NEED BODY GUARDS,HE'S NOT THAT PROMINENT ,ONLY TO THE PEOPLE OF GREATER IMANI

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    Lashanda, As I a father of three wonderful daughters, I want to let you know that your story and emotion touched my heart. And as a father who has been faithful to his wife for 25 years of marriage, I want to tell you that you are greatly loved! If you can't receive it from him, then receive it from others fathers who are outraged by his actions. And ultimately, the love of an earthly father, which we all crave by nature, is really our desire for our heavenly father. Our father in heaven is nothing like your earthly father. He is faithful and he calls you by name. He is not ashamed of you, but delights in you.

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    In reply to Ron Cantor:

    Well said....

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    WOW!

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    Lashonda, I am 3 years younger than you. I too am from Memphis TN. I don't know if this makes you feel better or not but, yes, unfortunately I have heard of your situation. I want you to know that YOU or your family were never the laughing stock of those conversations.I am sad that even as a woman you are still feeling the abuse from the neglect. I pray that you are able to overcome. I have feeling that you are well on that journey. But, know that it has and has never been your fault. Not every trust or admires Bill Adkins and no one I know ever felt sorry for you. But, when his various illegitimate affairs were brought up, we prayed for strength for those affected by his careless negligence. If there is anyone I feel sorry for, It's him. You did better having your stepdad's arm. (Although you probably didn't feel that way at the time). Stay prayerful!

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    LaShonda, I have often asked about how you were and where you were! I watch you from a baby through your teen years, and I remember how much joy you brought to your grandmother and great grand mother...You are still that beautiful person. God does keep the record. .. and this is his loss, not yours.. Stay focused and know that you had a great family and even neighbors that loved that beautiful little girl who was always smiling and happy! Your ultimate Father, the one that we will all answer to, accepts you as his own! Take care sweetie!!!

  • fb_avatar

    This is definitely a true story. I grew up with Taihia on Malone street as a child and even remember when her mother died. I use to wonder what happen to her since she had a father that was not a father. I was always wondering when one of his children would tell the truth, so big ups to this young lady for letting it all out.

  • fb_avatar

    Your father, cause he sure isn't a daddy, is the ultimate oxymoron!!! I've tried to share my disgust with him/them through facebook but am not allowed to leave comments on the Church's page. Is there another way to voice my opinion to him/them????

  • fb_avatar

    Thank you for sharing your story. I attended your father's church for many years and hate that you were hidden away from us.

    I must say, that in addition to sharing a love for fine cognac and cigars, you and your dad are both great communicators. You have written an excellent excerpt of your life here and I hope it turns into a book or series of books one day.

    I also hope to see you on the speaking circuit one day. Your message can help other people that have been physically and emotionally deserted by their fathers. I bet Tyler Perry or TD Jakes would love to bring your story to the big screen one day.

    Get yourself an agent; everything is going to be ok, baby girl!

    Many Continued Blessings!

  • As a man as old as your illegitimate daddy, please allow me to impart a bit of wisdom into your life. First off, you are not illegitimate, he is! And, he is a very weak man, too. Second, any person who refuses to discard past hurts, licenses those hurts to dominate the remainder of their lives. Thirdly, every moment you spend thinking about your biological father, you are missing an opportunity to thank God that He placed you in a loving environment where people took care of you and made sure you were well. He couldn’t “make” your no good daddy do right so He sent in a rescue team to help you. That’s how God works. Finally, a bit of personal from my life….I raised two children, boy and a girl and I raised them well. Private schools, Disneyworld, senior exchange trips to Japan, cars and when I got sick and went bankrupt those rascals stopped respecting and/or speaking to me because their mama told them to. Honey, we don’t get to choose our family. What we do get is to decide “how” we will respond to family pain once it comes our way. Seems to me you turned out just fine. Don’t allow this bad experience to determine who or what you become in this life. Keep it moving girl. You’re doing GREAT!!

  • fb_avatar

    Its very sad how people can be so heartless. Your biological father's treatment was unwarranted and cruel. What sucks even more is that in his present position at a church, he's been using that & those people he preaches to as a cover up for his deceit.
    I cannot say I've ever been in your position, nor will I claim to understand the bitterness. I had to watch my own sibling go thru not being acknowledged by our father. Thankfully my brother has confronted him & ended 38 yrs of hostility.
    I was curious to this blog when I saw it posted on FB. I currently have a daughter conceived out of wedlock. Her father & I had tried many times to have a child but 7 miscarriages were enough for him. When I finally was able to stay pregnant & deliver her father thought I betrayed him.
    I have invited him on several occasions to meet her but he or his current wife respond w/ nasty rude comments. But I continue to keep him updated on her progress, for one to irritate the crap out of his wife but to remind him that just because he & I are no longer together he is more then welcome to be in our daughter's life.

    From another article where your father had some response. Did he try to respond back to you via emal/FB? and if he did respond, was it only because of your blog that went viral? if so, Im with you on this one. He can go to Hell.

  • I have lived this experience. Thank you for so clearly articulating the hurt, hate and anger that comes from being the disregarded. Not necessarily hated, which requires attention and focus but disregarded, knowing everyday you don't even matter enough to register a response. That the shame that should drape on his shoulders was instead pushed onto you as if you created this mess by being created. I am sorry that you will receive comments from the stupid, the self-interested, those who cling to the status quo and blindly disagree and castigate you for your words and your feelings. They have no idea and in their ignorance and self-righteousness they choose to blame you and to criticize you when you have committed no crime. They choose to question your judgement and your actions while leaving the instigator of this mess unchallenged and unconvicted. Your existence and your experience stand as a indictment of the hippocracy the permeates our religious institutions and as a symbol of his continued failings as a man -- it belies his false faith and sinful, carnal center. There is a need in our community to celebrate and praise the most evil of men as long as they claim to be Christian. You will be attacked by the foolish and the misguided, the sinful enablers who seek status and personal enhancement at the cost of your personhood. They can and WILL go to hell. He has not sincerely repented, he did not make it right and that dismal PR statement is a continued failing on his part. You win. You survived and you found the courage to call a spade a spade and reject the rejector. Bravo. He does not deserve your loyalty, your silence or your grace, you owe him and his absolutely nothing. Please continue to speak your truth, my truth and the truth of all the disregarded,,, to power.

  • I am praying for your continued spiritual growth and strength. If you must stand on the mountain top and scream to the world " so let it be written, so let it b done. You have nothing to feel ashamed,nor guilty off.This is not about him, it is about you. You continue to follow the road you have chosen because your story is very powerful.God have you covered . Don't worry about typos that the last thing to concern yourself with. Blessings..

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  • I lived in Memphis in 2006 and 2007 and loved attending Greater Imani because of Dr. Adkins. Now that I have read your story I feel like my entire Greater Imani experience was a big fat lie. I am appalled that a so-called man of the cloth (who also goes by APOSTLE Adkins) can stand up in front of hundreds of people regularly and minister to them about how they should live their lives when his own life is a lie of the worst kind. Thank you for bringing the truth to light.

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