Why Should Mall Walkers Have All of the Fun?


I'm thinking about staging a coup. Every morning, malls open up early to accommodate mall walkers. Even "Stroller Strides" classes are allowed there. Meanwhile, we lowly runners shiver our way into all kinds of crazy tights and masks to get out to stretch our legs.

Or if you're like me, you look outside, realize it's ridiculously cold, and don't run.

I don't do treadmills. I don't run naturally, I end up hurting myself, and the entire time I weave back and forth like a drunkard just desperately trying to stay on. And that's all secondary behind the fact that I am bored and suicidal the entire time I tick off each tenth of a mile.

I googled "free indoor tracks." If my computer had been drinking coffee, it would have spit it out at me laughing. Most of the paid gyms around here don't even have indoor tracks.

In desperation, I did check to see if the malls allow running. As expected, it's not just uncouth, it's not allowed.

So it's on. Revolution time. I want the crown jewel of malls: Woodfield, with all of those confusing ramps that could even be considered "hill training." It'd be me versus the Woodfield Walkers (yes, they have a club)... and security, of course. The walkers will be heavily armed with water bottles and fanny packs, but with my jogging stroller, I may be able to take a few of them out at a time.

Who's with me?


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