Category: humor

9 fun ways to reduce stress and (probably) not go to jail

Stress stinks, my babies. It sucks the joy right outta the day, siphoning your mental and physical energy like a chance-meeting with an ex. We become listless, cringing, reactive boobs, addicted to triple-caf macchiatos and To-Do lists, the bottom of which are never reached. Slaves to everything but good sense and self-care, hypertension just waiting... Read more »

Today we're gonna party like it's my 199th post - because it is!

Hello, my dear babies! Behold – it’s the 199th post of Planet Michelle! (I’ll wait while you swoon.) While 199 posts aren’t anything to sneeze at (hey, I pour out my foolish heart and tap into my little monkey brain on these things!), I’m a piker compared to some of my fellow ChicagoNow bloggers. So... Read more »

10 things I just don't understand.

My old man always used to say that the world’s gone mad.  He died 10 years ago, and it’s even more true today.  Dad never would have believed that a smarmy reality-show guy now occupies the Oval Office, for example. Or have understood the ins and outs of Caitlyn Jenner (I’m not at all bothered... Read more »
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Behold my internal dialogue!

I don’t know about you, but my day pretty much consists of a psychotic internal commentary on le poop du jour.  Everything from, “This schmuck must have taken driver’s ed from Stevie Wonder!” to, “Why did I wear this bra?  I HATE this bra.” In fact, internal dialogue can also save lives, especially in the... Read more »

Melania takes a call.

New York, NY.  Friday, 9:20 am.  First Lady Melania Trump is ensconsed in the penthouse of Trump Tower.  She is breakfasting on Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee and oatmeal with mango chutney when her gilded phone rings. Melania Trump:  Yes? Donald Trump:  Hello, Melania.  It’s President Trump. MT:  Yes.  I remember.  Hello Donalt. DT:  How are... Read more »

The gnarly rise of deadly fake pot, and my memories of days gone high

I was a teenager of the 70’s.  That should tell you a few things. First, that I am rapidly approaching decrepitude. Second, that I hold a Ph.D. in Tetrahydrocannabinol Studies. We came by our pot organically (often, literally organically).  Everybody “knew a guy.”  None of this current fake pot laced with, of all things, rat... Read more »
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An open letter to annoying people

Dear Annoying People, Hello!  Michelle from the Planet Michelle blog here.  You know; that hilarious blog brought to you courtesy of ChicagoNow.com?  Whattya mean, you’ve never heard of it?  I’ve been busting my wordsmith-cojones here for nearly three years!  Remember that cool post I recently did on late, great, Chicago guitarist Terry Kath?  How about... Read more »

Welcome to Spinter!

Ah, springtime in Chicago! That lovely season that lasts about 21 days, beginning somewhere at the ass-end of April, no matter that the NOAA and your desk calendar and (trumpet fanfare, please) TOM SKILLING insisted that it began on March 20th. For we, the shivering, huddled masses of the Midwest know better. Some years, winter... Read more »

Having a gay old time - i.e., our ever-morphing language

Not only is the English language difficult, it morphs with regularity. Take the word “gay.”  Half the songs of the 30’s and 40’s sang of being happy and gay, being gay and bright and donning gay apparel.  Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were always doing something gay and fun. Hell, even the Flintstones down in... Read more »
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10 blogs that didn't make it

There are now officially 35,413,781,024 blogs on The Internets (I counted). Blogs on every topic imaginable by myriad world citizens, some sane, with one thing in common: they all think that they have something dazzling to impart to the non-blogging populace. It takes talent, confidence (i.e., narcissism), no small amount of luck and a ripping... Read more »