Things I Hate - Winter 2020 Edition


(Don't worry... i'd put it BACK ... eventually.)

Haven't done a "Things I Hate" post for awhile. Which is odd, because I hate so many things and people! So let's vent some spleen, shall we?

Do any of these intersect with YOUR hates?

The Your/My/Our "brand" thing.  Since when does everyone require a freaking brand? When did we all become Budweiser and Kotex? Can't I just be Michelle, without the ersatz, meaningless, millennial-concocted brand-bullshit? People used to be successful all the time, based solely on meritorious products or services. You never heard, "My gynecologist has such a caring brand - he's so gentle with the speculum!" or, "Now that was a mob hit! Had all the earmarks of the fine Corliucci Family brand." Branding should be reserved only for products and keeping track of your cattle and such.

Alas, I'm both cattle AND chattel.

(Sigh.) I'm both cattle AND chattel.

Beginning every answer with "So..."  When did this shit start? I hear it from damn-near everyone interviewed, be it on CNN or TMZ.  To wit - Reporter: "Senator Bullplop, how do you explain the increasing-volatile global markets, vis-a-vis Chinese trade irregularities?" Senator: "SO this is a mighty complicated issue, one to which we are devoting an obscene amount of taxpayer money..." Or, Interviewer: "Ms. Putan - this is only your first arrest since 1999, when you became madam here at La Maison de Sade. To what do you attribute your longevity?" Ms. Putan: "SO I run a respectable discipline académie staffed by shapely young women and I have no idea what you are talking about. And I bribe the police."

Awards "season."  The only thing worse than watching a bunch of semi-talented rich people giving other semi-talented rich people swag-bags and awards for their "brands" is clumping these shows into the a span of a few short months.  Golden-this and Grammy-that and Oscar-the-other.  What we need is an award show for people who endure awards season.  The Enduros!

The Democrats Having Almost NO Game Whatsoever.  We are a scant 10 months from the next presidential election.  The proffered Democratic candidates are, pretty much, two old-fart has-beens, two really annoying women and an openly-gay former mayor of a medium-sized town in Indiana. Who, BTW, is the best shot the Dems have. Openly-gay pols are "in" - a la Chicago's mayor Lightfoot and, of course, Speaker Nancy Pelosi (GOTCHA! hahaha).  I say, let's give young Pete Buddajudge (phonetic spelling, because his surname is harder to spell than "Blagojevich") a shot. He's smart, seems honest and is plain-spoken - basically, the Anti-Trump.


I'm tellin' ya, you could do worse!

The "wintry mix."  Call it what it is - icy, slushy crap from the sky that causes you to fall and break your ass and a lot of fender-benders that will cost exactly the amount of your auto-insurance deductible.

Adverts by real owners of actual companies.  This is such a cheapo way to make a commercial - thinking that as a business owner, you are also an actor, so why hire one?  Two of  this ilk come to mind (both radio ads, but it happens with online and TV ads, as well) - first, ads from local HVAC companies, featuring the owner, his wife and sometimes even his kids. Hire a spokesperson next time! Because your family puts the "AC" into HVAC - Annoying and Cloying.

The second example is my current Drive-Me-Up-A-Wall-Winner - some digital-marketing guru from NYC named - get this - Piera Palazzolo, whose annoying voice shills for some website-design company.  Her ad is all over WBBM radio in the morning; you need hear this ad only once and you'll know exactly the level of annoying I'm talking about.

And last, speaking of radio - What the hell has happened to WGN? I'll tell you - it's been taken over by a soul-less enormo-corp called Nexstar Media out of Dallas. This corp has NO understanding of the Chicago market, fired several mainstay hosts,  did a lousy swap-around of the others, and has peppered-in some national shows that are utter dreck.  It went from borderline sucking to 120% suckage.  Which is why I now listen to WBBM in the morning, and the 'Net for everything else.

"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln.... how did you enjoy the play?"  !!


Thanks for reading! Snarks, love letters or advice to:

Filed under: humor


Leave a comment
  • Thanks, Michelle. That was such fun that I (almost) regret to say I didn't hate it. I'm with you in some ways about WGN, but I am a Blackhawks follower, so I wind up listening to Bob Sirott in the mornings after games. He's a bit calmer than straight news some mornings.

  • Thanks, Michelle. That was so much fun that I didn't hate it. I just want to rebut a little about WGN. As a Blackhawks follower, I wind up listening to Bob Sirott in the mornings after games. He's doing all right, and it's more comforting than straight news sometimes.

  • In reply to Margaret H. Laing:

    Hi, Margaret! I loved Sirott in his prime, but he's a tad stodgy for me now. Probably because the guy he replaced (Cochran) was pretty edgy, so by comparison, Sirott seems mild. He'll do fine, because he's a pro. (I used to have quite the crush on Bob back in the day, BTW!)
    I just hate that the new overseers have seen fit to plug in some really bad syndicated shows, and dumped Bill & Wendy, and under-utilize Brian Noonan. Oh, well, radio = change. / Go Hawks!

  • This was fantastic! I laughed so hard I was choking on my wintry mix brand. So good to hear your voice again. You are on a roll my friend.

  • In reply to Very Terry:

    Glad you liked it, my dear. Writing more is part of my work-release program!

  • I do sometimes predicate my sentences, answers or statements, with "so". It's a good ice-breaker when used judiciously. But I get your point.

  • In reply to Michael Messinger:

    We agree to disagree here, mon frere. Humble Planet M opinion, "So" was a great Peter Gabriel album, but that's as much so-ing as I can allow!

Leave a comment