Today, my babies, we shall discuss the workplace bathroom.
If yours is of adequate size and appointment, AND off the beaten path, you are one lucky puppy.
Damn-near everywhere I've worked, the loo was a maximum of 10 feet from the office area. I'm sitting at my desk right now and can see both bathrooms. And hear them. And smell them.
Who designs these fakata facilities? How is a too-close-to-coworkers bathroom ever a good idea? It doesn't foster camaraderie. It doesn't enhance productivity. All it does is make one look for a binder clip for one's nose.
Often, as I sit at my desk listening to, um, Movement #2 of the Mens' Toilet Symphony, I wonder, A) What in the hell did he have for lunch?, B) Does he not KNOW that the tall can with "Glade" on it can dispense a pleasant, long-lasting scent, to eradicate the fetid odor emanating from his nether-loins?, and C) Why couldn't they have put the johns in the warehouse?
Not only are our toits mere feet away from civilization, each door has a 1" gap at the bottom, insuring maximum sound disbursement, as well as optimal stank proliferation. Also, for some reason, our johns have excellent acoustics, which amplify every egregious bodily sound. Opera stars could rehearse in our bathroom and be as accommodated as if they were at the Met.
I don't know about you, but my eliminations do not adhere to any specific timetable. #1 occurs when my coffee or water rental is up, and #2 whenever the food is done sluicing through my innards. Unfortunately, the latter occurs more often than not around 3:30 pm on workdays, just as our crews are returning from their day. The timesheet happens to be on the wall next to the gals' toilet, and the boys have to record their times before they leave. We have 15 guys. Try holding it in while 15 chatty dudes congregate around the timesheet, shooting the, um, breeze.
Several months ago, our bathroom door was sticking, so our boss decided to plane the door and rehang it - during office hours. Ever gone potty WITH NO DOOR? Talk about playing beat the clock. The coworker who sits behind me could view me in my entirety on the throne, right from her desk. It was as close to pooping in the middle of my front lawn as I'll ever get.
I suppose it could be worse. Dig this transparent toilet in Manhattan!
Oh, well. C'est la pee!
Thanks for reading! Snarks, love letters or advice to: planetMichelle4u@gmail.com
Filed under: humor