The horror of the workplace bathroom

Today, my babies, we shall discuss the workplace bathroom.

If yours is of adequate size and appointment, AND off the beaten path, you are one lucky puppy.

Damn-near everywhere I've worked, the loo was a maximum of 10 feet from the office area.  I'm sitting at my desk right now and can see both bathrooms. And hear them. And smell them.

Who designs these fakata facilities?  How is a too-close-to-coworkers bathroom ever a good idea?  It doesn't foster camaraderie.  It doesn't enhance productivity. All it does is make one look for a binder clip for one's nose.


Often, as I sit at my desk listening to, um, Movement #2 of the Mens' Toilet Symphony, I wonder, A) What in the hell did he have for lunch?, B) Does he not KNOW that the tall can with "Glade" on it can dispense a pleasant, long-lasting scent, to eradicate the fetid odor emanating from his nether-loins?, and C) Why couldn't they have put the johns in the warehouse?

Not only are our toits mere feet away from civilization, each door has a 1" gap at the bottom, insuring maximum sound disbursement, as well as optimal stank proliferation.  Also, for some reason, our johns have excellent acoustics, which amplify every egregious bodily sound. Opera stars could rehearse in our bathroom and be as accommodated as if they were at the Met.


Note timesheet on bulletin board, adjacent to Womens' toit. (Pic taken from my desk!)

I don't know about you, but my eliminations do not adhere to any specific timetable. #1 occurs when my coffee or water rental is up, and #2 whenever the food is done sluicing through my innards.  Unfortunately, the latter occurs more often than not around 3:30 pm on workdays, just as our crews are returning from their day.  The timesheet happens to be on the wall next to the gals' toilet, and the boys have to record their times before they leave.  We have 15 guys.  Try holding it in while 15 chatty dudes congregate around the timesheet, shooting the, um, breeze.

Several months ago, our bathroom door was sticking, so our boss decided to plane the door and rehang it - during office hours.  Ever gone potty WITH NO DOOR? Talk about playing beat the clock.  The coworker who sits behind me could view me in my entirety on the throne, right from her desk. It was as close to pooping in the middle of my front lawn as I'll ever get.

I suppose it could be worse.  Dig this transparent toilet in Manhattan!

Oh, well. C'est la pee!

Wink toilet character cartoon style vector illustration

Thanks for reading! Snarks, love letters or advice to:

Filed under: humor


Leave a comment
  • I laughed so hard reading this ode to the workplace loos. How about the unisex toilets with urinals right at eye level next to the throne? I also love bathrooms right off the dining rooms or kitchens in homes. You hear things you can't forget and it makes for a tasty dining experience. Thank you for making me smile.

  • In reply to Very Terry:

    Hey, Mama! Never seen the unisex toits with eye-level urinals - a bold adventure, that. But your point is SO well-taken about badly designed home johns. LMAO @ "tasty dining experience." And might I add - EEEEEW! (Hope to see U and CL super-soon, or at least after the thaw.)

  • Haven't these people ever heard of running the faucet out of consideration for others? But seriously, I'm grateful I've never worked in an office like yours. I'm used to restrooms being too far away from my desk, usually out the door and down a long hallway.

  • I've had to plan for similar facilities far from my desk, too, and I've wondered how great it would be to sit closed to where I needed to, er, go. I'll file this under "Be careful what you wish for."

  • Hello, WSL Geek! I haven't always worked blue-collar offices; I've worked for law firms and did an almost 20-year stint at Sears Tower (Willis-schmillis).You are right - it's more common in the civilized working world (!) to have to hike thee to the john. How I miss those days!

Leave a comment