Melania takes a call.

New York, NY.  Friday, 9:20 am.  First Lady Melania Trump is ensconsed in the penthouse of Trump Tower.  She is breakfasting on Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee and oatmeal with mango chutney when her gilded phone rings.

Oh. Eets you.

Oh. Eets you.

Melania Trump:  Yes?

Donald Trump:  Hello, Melania.  It's President Trump.

MT:  Yes.  I remember.  Hello Donalt.

DT:  How are you?

MT:  I am late for massage.

DT:  And how is Barron?

MT:  Let me ring his floor .....

DT:  No, that's OK.  I'll review the camera footage later. I wanted to talk to you about that sex industry specialist I never slept with, since it's all over the fake news again. Have you caught any of my sound bites and Tweets this week?

MT:  (crickets.....silence .....) Yes Donalt.  You were pugnacious and duplicitous, as usual.

DT:  I was good, wasn't I?

MT:  (sighs)  What do you need, Donalt?

DT:  I just wanted to know that I can count on you for your continued support for things I did not do but that keep coming up due to the Democratic media and that bastard, Mueller - things like asking Putin to put his schnozz into the election, alleged bumbled payoffs to sex industry specialists, lying about my weight, etc.

MT:  I don't know, Donalt .... I think Robert is very nice man.  We had lunch just yesterday.

DT:  You WHAT?  You had lunch with the special counsel?  (Nervous, demanding) What the heck did you two talk about?

MT:  Oh, you know..... thees and that.

DT:  (Starting to sweat) Could you be a little more specific, honey?

MT:  I don't know...  I can't remember every leetle question about your whereabouts and conduct in 2006 and who has access to your bank accounts and ....

DT: (Neck vein throbbing) Oh, Jeez, Melania .... that's not good.... why can't you just have lunch with the other trophy wives?

MT:  Really, Donalt.  You make too much of thees. I go now.

DT:  We really need to brainstorm and get a game plan here, honey.  Bigly. When are you coming back to D.C.?

MT:  Oh.... let's see .... I have the Botox on Monday and Wednesday, the hair-fluffing on Tuesday, Thursday is dinner with Ralph and Rikki Lauren, Friday is mani-pedi... I will do the texting and let you know of my next availability.

DT: OK, honey.  Give Barron a hand-shake for me.

MT:  Yes, I give boy your regards.

DT:  All right, Melania. You can catch me here in the Oval for the rest of the day, and later at Mar-a-lago.  Big weekend; fundraiser for the President Trump Defense Fund, not that I'll need it.

MT:  You never know, Donalt.  There still might be stormy waters ahead .... you know - like more trouble with whore. Or disgruntled wife! (Short, menacing laugh.)

DT:  (gulps)


THAT'S RIGHT…. come closer…. closerrrr…...

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Filed under: humor, politics


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  • Nicely done!

  • Bill Clinton (cell phone on speaker): Monica? (Nervous laughter) So good to hear from you after all these years. No, no. I don't smoke cigars anymore. You know, the heart trouble. You want a "Stormy" deal too? Well, hon. Okay, okay, I won't "hun" you. No, no. Now that I'm so much older I don't do 21-year-old interns. They have to be twenty-eight now, at least. Yeah, yeah, checks in the mail, hun.

    Bill Clinton: (turns to Hillary) You still good at killing bimbo eruptions?

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