Man, I love tabloids! You know, the honest, credible ones, like the National Enquirer, the Weekly World News, Misinformed Monthly. The rags you read on line at the grocery while sneak-eating grapes. Things are always exploding, there are body parts where none belong, the dead live and the world is ending next Tuesday, According to Biblical Prophecy.
You're pretty sure that 99% of the stories are bullshit, but then there's that one about Oprah's nightly oxygen chamber ritual that just might be true - hey, her TV network IS called Oxygen, right …… ?
Here are 23 tabloid headlines for your perusal. Try and figure out which are BS and which are actual headlines:
TOWN WHORE SCORES SECOND JOB AS MAYOR.
BRONX GROCER MARRIES BROTHER'S LLAMA.
BEREFT WIFE DONATES DECEASED HUSBAND'S REMAINS TO GENITAL CLONE LAB AT JOHNS HOPKINS.
SINATRA NOT DEAD, OPENS AT BELLAGIO JUNE 1ST.
SECRET JACKSON BROTHER, FRITO, TO RECORD TRIBUTE ALBUM TO LATE BROTHER MICHAEL.
PRINGLES TO CEASE PRODUCTION NEXT YEAR; OBESE FANS RIOT IN INDIANAPOLIS.
ENGLAND'S ROYAL FAMILY ORIGNALLY FROM PASSAIC, NEW JERSEY.
GHOST OF TAMMY WYNETTE BOTHERING GEORGE JONES' WIDOW.
STUDY CLAIMS FAT, UGLY PEOPLE UNHAPPIER THAN THIN AND BEAUTIFUL.
FAMILY CAT RESCUES OWNER CAUGHT IN TREE.
BLACK LAB NAMED JACK WINS $2000 AT BLACKJACK.
REAL ESTATE INVESTOR FINDS $83,000 BEHIND FIREPLACE BRICK IN HOME BOUGHT FROM FLEEING METH CHEF.
BROCCOLI GREATLY IMPROVES FINANCES, SEX DRIVE, SAYS CRUCIFEROUS VEGETABLE COUNCIL.
BELOVED FAMILY FERRET WINS LARGEST LOTTERY IN LOUISIANA HISTORY.
OUTHOUSE EXPLODES DURING ALABAMA WEDDING RECEPTION, TRAPPING BRIDE, GROOM, THEIR MOTHER.
OUTHOUSE AT ALABAMA COURTHOUSE NOW FOR USE BY JUDGES ONLY; JURORS TO USE KRISPY KREME ACROSS STREET.
FAMILY OF 6 INJURED WHEN TREE FALLS ON TWO-STORY ALABAMA OUTHOUSE.
LONG-LOST SON RETURNS HOME DURING POWER OUTAGE, SHOT IN ASS BY FATHER WHO THOUGHT HE WAS BURGLAR.
WOMAN CALLS 911, CLAIMS HUSBAND IS UNPLEASANT.
COLOMBIAN STUDY SAYS COFFEE GREATLY INCREASES PENILE DIMENSIONS.
ALIENS LAND SPACESHIP ON FIELD AT LUCAS OIL STADIUM; MISTAKEN BY DRUNKEN FANS AS CHILDREN EXITING SILVER MASERATI.
MAN WRITES COUNTRY SONG NOT ABOUT BEER, PICKUP TRUCKS OR ADULTERY.
PRESIDENT TRUMP'S UNDERWEAR KEPT IN SECRET WHITE HOUSE HUMIDOR.
So, how'd you do? Answers below.
(Ha! I made up all 23!)
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Filed under: humor