Top 10 Post-Campaign Jobs for Donald Trump

OK, so I'm not the Republican nominee.  I'm still huuuuuuuuge!

OK, so I'm not the Republican nominee. I still can be uuuuuge!

Yesterday, I posted a piece on why Donald Trump should leave the presidential campaign post-haste.  (In case you missed it, let me Cliff-Note it for you: He's Not Remotely Fucking Qualified.)

However, in the interest of fairness, I can't rightly call for his ouster without at least offering some suggestions for post-campaign employment.

He will, of course, remain at the helm of  The Trump Organization, but after the ego-boost he's had running for President, his old gig may pale by comparison.  He may want something different.

Thus, my Top 10 Post-Campaign Jobs for Donald Trump:

10.  Designer, architect and construction manager of the Donald Trump Almost-Presidential Library.  This gilt-encrusted building will, of course, have all the customary Trumpian features - the giant "T" over the doors, a casino, a floor-show, a helipad, and a two-foot long glass case containing his almost-Presidential documents (whatever the hell those may be). Docents will be Miss Universe losers of years-past.

9.  Sideshow Barker.  Been practicing for this one his entire life.  He, is, after all, our PT Barnum.

8.  Toupee Salesman.  While Trump maintains his hair is his own, it certainly looks like a "toop." The Trump Toupee Collection could be uuuuuuge!

7.  Infomercial Pitchman.  As per his website, he is already ass-deep in branded merchandise - furniture, lighting fixtures, fragrance, even bottled water.  So he's a natural for infomercials.  Who could ignore that annoying yell coming from their flat-screen - "It's the Trump Gilded Toilet - and it's gonna be uuuuuuuuge!"

6.  Ambassador to Antarctica.  Many failed candidates become diplomats.  Antarctican Ambassador seems just about right for Trump.  Far enough away from the rest of us, but still on Earth.  And ripe for real estate development!

5.  Ambassador to the Sun.  In case the Antarctica thing doesn't work out.  The Sun is big, it's golden, it's uuuuuuge!  And it only takes 156 days to get there!

4.  Rodeo Clown.  Entertaining for all, and good exercise for Trump.

3.  Local Oaf.  Every town has to have one.  He could even franchise it.  Oafs by Trump.  Only the best oafs can be Trump Oafs!

2.  Mexican Border Guard.  Put your money where your big mouth is.

1.  Undersecretary of Homeland Security, Clinton Administration.  In charge of Islamic US Citizen Sensitivity Awareness.


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