Oh, Baby (names)! - Kanye and Kim Do It Again

Say What!Yeah, I’m goin’ there.  Can’t help myself.

Discuss we now baby names.  Kanye and Kim Kardashian West have done it again.  The Weird Baby-Name Thing.

Kimye’s son was born last week.  They named him Saint.  Saint West. He joins little sister, North.  North West.

When Kim popped out their first puppy, my initial thought was that she and Kanye must be Hitchcock fans, i.e, North by Northwest.  SouthWest was taken by an airline, and East-West is (well, was) a Chicago tollway.  “North” won by default.

What do they call her for short?  Nor?  Norty?  My guess is, “Princess North of All She Surveys,” given her egomaniacal genetics.

And then came Saint.  Are Kimye fans of the old Roger Moore TV show?  Trying to confer deity-status on the boy?  New Orleans football fans?  I guess when you have a father with the nickname, "Yeezus,” Saint is a logical choice.

For any subsequent West children, might I suggest Bestintha, Olde, Wilde, Pointz and Hedd.

As we all know, celebs giving their offspring mondo-stupid names is a long-standing tradition.  From the old school, we have Dweezil, Moon Unit and Diva Muffin Zappa, Zowie Bowie (who now goes by Duncan Jones) and of course, Blanket Jackson.

More current were Apple and Moses Martin (sire, Chris Martin; dam, Gwynnie Paltrow), Penn Jillette’s son, Zolten and daughter, Moxie Crimefighter, Jason Lee’s son, Pilot Inspektor, Bronx Mowgli Wentz (Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson), and of course, Demi and Bruce’s tribe, Rumer, Scout and Tallulah Willis.

Note to celebs:  I know you’re trying to be different and au courant, but giving your kids egregiously bad names is a form of child abuse.

Before I had a child, I, too, fell under the spell of the WBNT (see second paragraph above). I went through my Texas period - I thought the names Dallas and Austin were cool (Waco and Lubbock, not so much).  Then came my jazz age - Darius and Miles.  For some reason, I was never good at choosing girls' names, so it was a good thing that my adopted daughter came pre-named.  (A lovely name, as it happens - Angelina.)

So, my babies, please don’t give your babies stupid names.  Just don’t.  I’m not saying name them Fred and Ethel, but please, no more Apricot Farm or Chili-Cheeseburger or Chrome Fender.

Your children are going to spend a fair amount of time pissed off at you as it is (especially the teen years).  Don’t fund the revolution by giving them a bonehead name like Passion Loin!


Planet Michelle here.  How've you been?  E-mail me!   - planetmichelle4U@gmail.com


Planet Michelle wants YOU, baby!  Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.  But why mess up the good thing we'll have going?!

Leave a comment