A Personal Reflection on Gay Marriage

A Personal Reflection on Gay Marriage

I remember my wedding like it was yesterday.

In an open gazebo off of a lake, I stood in an ivory lace dress and my husband stood next to me in a white dinner jacket and black bow tie.  I chose an outdoor ceremony because for me, it is in the open air and sunlight that I feel God and his presence the most.  It was a beautiful day with a perfect breeze and two open bars.

When I reflect back on that day, almost three years ago, I don’t remember all of the details - only snapshots of moments.  Yet, what I will never forget is the feeling that I had when my parents left me at the alter and I gave my hand to my husband-to-be.  As I looked at him, my pastor, then up at the sky, the only thing that ran through my mind was, God please don’t let us screw this up.

Many times in my life I’ve prayed for something and God has seemed to be on another call.  I prayed that my wedding day was not one of those times.  More than anything, I simply wanted him to show up.

To me, marriage is a leap of faith - one so outlandish in its certainties of shit storms that you have to be either in love or trust that there is a larger hand helping you along the way.   For this reason, it’s difficult for me to accept why all people are not afforded the opportunity to approach God and ask, beg, or plead for his acceptance of a union made out of love.    In my mind, the choice to say yes or no…to bless or not bless a union, is God’s to make.

And sometimes, God does in fact say, “no”.  We learned that from Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

I understand, in theory, the passion that many people have in objecting to gay marriage, although there is something deep within me that cannot agree.  But before anyone feels inclined to remind me of my sinful and heathen status, please understand that I am not God and am not here to change anyone’s opinion.  Of the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses, I’m sure that I break at least one every single day.  Of the hundreds of New Testament edicts that were given to us through the Disciples and Apostles, I am sure that my tattoos, short hair, and nose ring won’t bode well for me once I get to the pearly white gates.

So I thank God for grace and mercy.

Grace is the very concept which makes believers in Christ who we are.  It is ours though we have done nothing to deserve it.  How interesting is it that we so often attempt to dictate the manner in which it is afforded and who it is afforded to?


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  • Awesome post. :) I can't believe I am just now reading it. Very well written.

  • Ditto on just reading it now. Thanks!

  • Thanks Drubear and David!!

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    Kay Smith is a Chicago-based freelance writer and blogger who focuses on race, politics and urban culture. Having worked on public policy at the state, regional, city and community level, her opinions have been featured in the Chicago SunTimes and a host of news websites (under very mysterious sounding pseudonyms). Follow her on Twitter @kaywillsmith or contact her at kaywilliamsmith@gmail.com.

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