I like to cheer when 5-month-old baby Gertrude burps or poops. I strangely find joy in sucking a booger loose from her tiny nose with a nose aspirator.
Am I lacking a social life?
Short on sleep?
Well, of course, but when you have a tiny infant and his/her day is filled with burps and poops and prying boogers loose from a hole the size of a pinhole, these tiny victories make you feel like a great mother.
I turned 35 last month and while I see age as purely a number which has no effect on the age of my spirit, I cannot help but reflect back to my 25-year-old self and compare.
Of course with any life change, when kids are introduced to the picture, everything changes.
Promises to myself pre-baby:
- NEVER use a “baby bag” but rather, a fine handbag so I do not appear “momish”
- NEVER leave the house without makeup on
- NEVER lose sight of taking care of myself
For goodness sake, now, I am lucky if I can leave the house without spit up on my shoulder and peanut butter on my butt!
Just recently, I realized I was resisting being labelled a “mom”. Still clinging to the me of 10 years ago, I took a step back and admitted to myself that I had to let go of the “remember when’s” and the “but I used to’s” and accept that my life has completely changed.
I do not look the same; I certainly do not smell the same (which is usually a combination of Aveda products, baby vomit, and some kind of mystery odor).
Ultimately, I am happy being a mother. I am starting to find my groove and I am getting better at wrangling these kooky kids around every day.
Letting go of a life you once had is a hard transition, but is not necessarily negative. Sure, I will always look back and remember the fond memory of being newly married and toddling off to Vegas for 2 weeks, buying expensive purses, and dancing until the wee hours of the morning.
Raising children is hard work and I admit, I lost sight of the important job I have been called to carry out. Schedules and eating healthy and following rules and mommy guilt have been clouding my days and I am not content with letting that happen anymore.
The schedule can wait - I am going to read Goodnight, Moon to my daughter.
The dishes can wait - I am counting piggies on my 5-month-old baby’s feet.
The expensive purses do not matter anymore - I want to invest in giving my son piano lessons.
Be happy with who you are today. That girl of yesterday will always live on in your heart, but the girl of today wants to live!!
Let her live.
How you have changed over the last 10 years in your interests and desires?
A few of my observations...
25-year-old me: Relaxing Body Lotion from Shiseido
35-year-old me: Stress Fix Concentrate from Aveda
25-year-old me: Conservative, corporate, completely tailored and everything in my closet was from Banana Republic
35-year-old me: Much more bohemian. I am in the process of transforming myself into an Anthropolgie catalog
25-year-old me: Clinique 3-step
35-year-old me: Dermalogica and Murad
25-year-old me: Every shade of light green and cream
35-year-old me: Blues with pops of cranberry, brown, and sometimes a little pumpkin
25-year-old me: Sales Representative
35-year-old-me: Mother and Writer