I have embarrassed myself many, many times in my life but never seemed to do it right until I
had kids. Pregnant with my first child, I was adamant that no one but my husband be present in the delivery room during my labor. I was so innocent and modest at the time.
Twenty hours into labor, my modesty had been completely thrown out the window. A nurse stepped into the room to ask if we would mind if a few nursing students observed my delivery.
My husband, and my own personal advocate, shooed the students away saying, "Oh, no. I am not sure we are comfortable with students being in here."
Through my contractions, I shouted from my delivery bed, "Come on in! The more the merrier!"
Exposed to the world, my pre-pregnancy plan of private decency was turned upside-down and I was propelled into a new life. A life of unpredictable moments that can bring a new parent to laughter and tears.
One of my favorite embarrassing moments happened at the Pick n' Save when we lived in Wisconsin. (The equivalent to Pick n' Save in Illinois would be Jewel, but with much, much better prices.) I was 7 months pregnant, carrying my 2-year-old son on my hip. Sporting a pretty, pink tank top, I had become as fully endowed as I could possibly be. At a whopping 36 C, my girls were looking good!
I was searching for fruit, a prickly pear to be exact, and stopped a young man (25ish?) who was stocking vegetables. Please keep in mind that I was not paying attention to my son who was playing with my necklace.
The scene played out like this:
Me: Excuse me, do you have prickly pears?
Produce Expert (with a blank stare): What is a prickly pear?
Me(with complete pregnancy brain): Well, it's like a pear that has prickles on it.
Product Expert: (Nothing. He said nothing and was staring wide eyed at my chest.)
Me: Doesn't ring a bell? Prickly Pear?
Let me just tell you that I was not upset at all that this young man was staring at my chest. I was elated! You see, when you normally have 34A's, no one is looking at your breasts. EVER.
Back to the story.
After about 5 seconds, the Product Expert looked away. In fact, he wouldn't even look me in the eye.
Me: Is everything okay?
Produce Expert (looking at the ceiling): No. Well. Your, um.
Produce Expert (speaking very, very fast and loud): Your kid just yanked your shirt down and I can see your, (looks down to confirm) oh my god!
I looked down and sweet Moses, my entire breast was exposed to the Produce Expert. Little Raymond had indeed unearthed my gazonga!
What could I do?
I laughed. I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants without the help of my ever-growing uterus squeezing my bladder.
The Produce Expert was so mortified, he ran. He took off!
I shouted at him: Stop! It was an accident! It's just a breast!
But I couldn't stop laughing.
I left the store that day without the prickly pears and never saw the Produce Expert again. Was the trauma of seeing my exposed bosom too much for his young eyes? Was he fired for refusing to help a customer? Who knows...
Parenthood is a breeding ground for embarrassing moments, but we must march on, with our heads held high and laugh. Because all you can do is laugh...
Have your kids innocently embarrassed you in public?