My End of The World Bucket List

It’s time for the world to end again.  On Friday, December 21st, 2012, according to the Mayan’s, the world is going to end, which is kind of  a bummer, since I have so many things that need to be done.

The last time the world was going to end, I confessed all of my sins to “clean the plate,” hopefully upping my chances at getting a ticket “up.” Click here to check that out.

Since, I have lived a life completely devoid of sin since the last time the world was supposed to end, I have decided to share my end of the world bucket list, things that I would have liked to have done, if there was more time.

  1. Back up a car with a boat attached- Guys who do this look so cool, I can hardly back up my mini van with out the camera.
  2. Learn how to skate with hockey skates- They make size 13 figure skates and I use them.  Now that I have sons it would have been nice to show them how “cool” dad was in his hockey skates.
  3. Shave with a straight razor- It looks awesome and seems like the kind of thing a guy who enjoys scotch and the Wall Street Journal would do, just before getting into his private jet to fly to a very important meeting.
  4. Look cool in a “pic.” Not a picture, but a “pic.” You know the kind you see in social magazines, where the dudes just stare at the camera, snarl and look “cool.” I can’t do it.  If there was more time, I think I could have mastered it.
  5. Make it through an entire episode of Face The Nation, without turning to Facebook.
  6. Read an entire Business Section, without turning to Facebook.
  7. Finish a blog post, without turning to Facebook.
  8. Wear an expensive fitted suit, like James Bond.  I think if you buy  $3000 suit, you don’t have to eat well or workout, the suit just makes you look like an international super spy.
  9. Say something “memorable” when I meet new people.  I usually just say “nice to meet you” and then things stall.
  10. Ride in a fire truck
  11. Enjoy other people's kids- I love my kids, but when we go to the park or some place to play, other people's kids make me nuts.  They can be doing the exact thing my kid is doing and it bothers me.
  12. Make it through a blog post, without having to rely in spell check.
  13. Understand soccer- My daughter has been playing for years and all I can yell is "run!!!"
  14. Chop food like a chef. My children mostly eat hot dogs and pancakes, but someday, I would like to make a meal that you have to chop a lot of "stuff" up.
  15. Understand Twitter- I Tweet, some of you follow me, but I truly don't get it.
  16. Tie a bow tie.  I would have looked "boss" in a bow tie.
  17. Carve a turkey- Wearing a bow tie and carving a turkey, need I say more.
  18. Find a stud in the wall- I have a stud finder and still can’t do it.
  19. Drive a motorcycle.  If I was ever in a chase and had to grab a motorcycle to stop the bad guys from ending the world, we would be in trouble.
  20. Make it through and understand foreign films.  I can't do it, even if it's from Canada (America's "hat").  I would have been a more well rounded person, if I made it through more Dutch films.

That’s about it.   Other than those few things I'm "good."

If it is the end of the world, I say bring it on.  I have loved, laughed, failed, succeeded, cried and danced.  I married the woman of my dreams, am the father to three incredible kids and have a cool bike.  I have an amazing life and if all this goes “kaplooey” on Friday, I will die a man full of life and love.

If not.  Then besides my life of “love,” there is still time to get to the mall and buy me gifts!

See you Saturday or on the other side.  I will be the guy in the spandex.

Advertisement:

Comments

Leave a comment
  • 1. I one tried backing up a car with a U Haul trailer. Supposedly it can be done, but I couldn't.

    5-7. I might not have lasted through Face the Nation, but it certainly wasn't to go to Facebook.

    11. Nobody likes other peoples' kids. Except maybe for "isn't that baby cute?"

    12. Apparently the software doesn't have reliable grammar check. Reread this point in your post.

    14. Either watch Joanne Weir, who explained this the other day, or watch another digital subchannel and buy a Slap Chop (with free Graty).

    17. Similarly, watch America's Test Kitchen. According to them, you need an electric knife.

    20. You can't figure out the MacKenzie Brothers? Back bacon is Canadian Bacon in Canada.

    As far as the end of the world:

    1. If the "end of the world" parties are for real, put the tab on your credit card, as the next statement date of Jan. 5, 2013 won't arrive.

    2. I just started a work project due Jan. 21. Maybe I shouldn't have. But cruising around Chicago Now isn't getting it done.

  • In reply to jack:

    Jack, were you in the car or the U Haul trailer?

  • Don't beat yourself up too badly about #19. There have been several movies - European Vacation, Good Morning Vietnam, Transporter III - where a bicycle was available for commandeering. I'm sure you'd do just fine in an urban chase!

  • You left out making passionate love to Selma Hayak.

  • In reply to Aquinas wired:

    Mentally, I have been there time and time again!

Leave a comment