Yesterday(Wednesday, July 11, 2012) I had the first of many surgeries on my right knee. Odds are, that next year at this time, I will still be having operations or in a state of recovery from an operation.
Back in March, I was involved in an accident that left both of my Achilles tendons torn, my knee messed up, my back and neck sprained a concussion. It could have all been avoided, if it wasn’t for the careless actions of one person, who is responsible for the pain I am in now.
This was supposed to be the Summer where coach Jennifer Harrison and I worked to see how fast I could be, but instead I am in bed, drugged up and unable to do much of anything.
Because of the severity of my injuries, I haven’t been able to do any kind of physical activity, nothing. As an athlete you know that is a recipe for disaster, since most of us use our time exercising as a way to re-boot the system, relax and feel good.
Me, I am gaining weight, I am crabby, I am in a constant state of pain and I can’t even play with my kids, because they are too fast (insert joke here about me always being slow). I am down, really, really down.
I have been told that there is a good chance that I will never run a marathon or an Iron distance race again, I have been told that I need to start to re-think my lifestyle and understand that what used to be could be over forever.
I got into the world of endurance sports as a way to honor the loss of my mother who had passed from cancer and as a way to be a role model for my kids, to prove to them that anything is possible if you believe in yourself.
Now all of that may be gone.
I am trying to focus on the fact that I am lucky to be alive after such a violent accident. I try to look at people who inspire me like Melissa Stockwell, but at the moment as I sit in a dark room, doped up with pain killers, all I feel is sad and mad. Mad at the people who put me here, mad knowing that it could have been avoided and mad that I can’t do what I love to do.
The road to health is my new Ironman, it’s a long way to the finish line, but I know I can make it, though I may never be the same, I have a lot to be grateful for and to look forward to.
It is truly one step at a time.